Reflect Before you Goal-Set in the New Year

By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC

I am glad this year is coming to an end. I am ready to move on to 2021 and leave 2020 behind. As I consider moving on, I’m considering how to grow. I believe that is what life is intended to be—a constant experience of growing to maturity, becoming my Real Self, being the Lion.

2020 has been tough for all of us, and I want to offer some thoughts about the journey ahead in 2021. I want you to be ready for what is ahead.

The best way to prepare for the future is to learn from our past. It’s like beginning your journey on a long drive by looking out your rear-view mirror to back out of your driveway.

You begin by looking at what is behind you, looking through the rear view of what you are leaving before moving ahead.

God gives us an amazing promise in Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

The last part of the verse reiterates the intention of God’s plans. God has a goal in mind for “a future. The Hebrew word is aharit.

What is unusual about this word is that it literally means “afterward, backwards or after part”. So, how can it be about the future?

H. W. Wolff says that the Hebrew concept is like a man in a rowboat. As he moves across the water, he is facing where he has come from, i.e. his past, and he moves toward his destination with his back facing the goal.

He sees where he has been, but the future is unable to be seen. He backs into the future. It is entirely unknown to him because it is behind him!

So much of our lives seems to be consumed with plans for our future…

We all want to “look ahead” as though we will be able to guide and protect ourselves from what may come. But God says that the real direction of our life should be to the past.

We need to leave the past behind by facing it, learning from it, and trusting God for something new and different. Our history is a great resource that God intends to use to give us the future he has for us. It is our history redeemed by God that gives us peace and confidence for the journey ahead.

You want to be ready for 2021? Then take a look back on this past year of 2020 and learn. I certainly have hope that 2021 will be a better year than 2020. Are you ready for a better year? Consider how you handled this past year before you “get in the boat” and begin your journey into 2021.

To improve your life, evaluate these 4 areas and challenge yourself to grow:

1. Self-Awareness

How self-aware were you in 2020?

Self-awareness is the ability to identify your own emotions as they arise. Self-awareness enables you to be honest with yourself and to accept and harness your strengths, weaknesses, desires, and shortcomings in order to make appropriate life and business decisions.

If you are self-aware you will be able to recognize how your emotions and actions affect you and others, as well as your performance in your job. Knowing your own emotional triggers can be helpful in all relationships, whether with family or the workplace. I suggest you seek to identify what you feel in every experience.

Journal your feelings around an experience. “I felt [ ] when I experienced [ ]. ”

2. Self-Regulation

How well did you self-regulate in 2020?

Self-Regulation refers to the actions you take (or don’t take) in response to your emotions. Individuals with this attribute are able to control their impulses, which includes maintaining calm and not overreacting to mistakes.

A healthy emotional person is self-controlled and non-reactive.

Be quick to own your reactivity and practice slow and deliberate responses.

3. Empathy

How well did you empathize with others in 2020?

Empathy refers to the awareness and consideration of the feelings of others. Empathy is necessary for understanding what others value, and for avoiding conflict and misunderstandings.

Empathy also fosters trust and forms strong bonds of friendships, which leads to the experience of intimacy.

Remember: “Nobody cares what you think, until they think you care.”

Make it your goal to help others feel understood more than you actually understand them by entering into their hurts and losses, imagining their experience, and verbally validating them.

4. Relationship Management

How well did you do with relationships in 2020?

Relational management is an outworking of the first three skills. Relationships are most effectively built and strengthened when people can perceive their own emotions as well as the emotions of others and regulate self accordingly.

A critical aspect of relationship management is the ability to resolve conflict through the practice of ownership, forgiveness, and humility.

Consider how you can take greater ownership for your failures and shortcomings in relationships by asking for feedback, receiving it humbly, and asking for forgiveness so greater trust and connection can be built.

I hope these thoughts will help you to look back in order to move forward. Let’s leave 2020 behind and have the highest of hope for a better year ahead.

Ride ON!

Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.

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