5 Ways To Help Your Teen Navigate Disordered Eating
Consider these tips to give your child what she fails to give herself: the compassion and understanding to combat poor body image.
By Lauren Kimbrough, ALC with Live and Love Wellness
Do you ever find yourself up late at night, worrying about your child's relationship with food or her body?
Do you wonder why they seem so concerned about their weight or appearance, or why they express guilt after eating their favorite meals?
Have you felt overwhelmed, unsure of how you can support your child in their struggle?
As a therapist, I sit across the room from many teenage girls and what I have noticed is that although they may be seeking help for anxiety, depression, struggles in peer relationships, etc., there is another very common underlying struggle. Almost every single one of them either has a critical view of their self and body, a poor relationship with food or a full-blown eating disorder. Some of them will flat out say, “I hate myself. I hate my body. I am the problem.”
Disordered eating is a pervasive and complex issue, one that affects approximately 8% of the population in the U.S. (Klump et al., 2017). It can also present itself many forms, from excessive dieting and binge eating to distorted body image and obsessive exercise. I want you to know that as a parent, you are not alone.
One thing I've come to understand through my personal journey and my work as a psychotherapist is the crucial role of self-compassion in the process of recovery. I remember a time in my life when I was deep in the throes of my own disordered eating, preoccupied with the fear of gaining weight. I, too, hated my body, criticized myself, compared myself to others, and became obsessed with the number on the scale.
After years of ups and downs, in and out of therapy, one day I looked in the mirror, and instead of the usual self-loathing, I felt a sudden wave of compassion. I realized that punishing myself wasn't the solution; it only perpetuated the cycle. It was then through a consistent practice of self-love and acceptance, with God at its center, that I was able to break free from disordered eating.
My personal journey led me to where I am today, equipped with the insights and tools to bring hope and healing to others.
Our relationship with our bodies is a prime battleground for spiritual warfare.
Satan is the father of lies. (John 8:44) So if we think about it, then this is the perfect area for Satan to attack. To tell us lies about ourselves and our bodies. When we lose trust and love for our bodies, then enters fear and where there is fear there is a lack of love and trust.
In her book Made to Crave, Lysa Terkeurst says “God made us to crave—to desire eagerly, want greatly, and long for Him. But Satan wants to do everything possible to replace our craving for God with something else.”
By cultivating a relationship of love over fear, compassion over criticism and consistent self-love over intense control, there is freedom and hope. When we know our worth in Christ, no one else can take it.
As Psalm 139:14 says, “I will give thanks to You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.”
As a concerned parent, you have the power to help your child navigate this difficult terrain, and the journey begins with understanding and compassion.
To support your child there are 5 steps you can take:
Promote Body Positivity:
Teach your child that their worth is not determined by their physical appearance. Encourage a positive body image and self-acceptance. One way to do this is to avoid making comments or compliments about physical appearance - even when praising, try to praise things other than her body or outward appearance.
Some examples: I love that you are such a great listener. You are such a supportive big sister. You are such a thoughtful friend.
Practice self-compassion.
Remember, it is also crucial nurture your own well-being. As you show compassion for your child, be sure to extend the same self-love and kindness towards yourself. It's important to remember that you are doing the best you can in a challenging situation. Remember to offer grace to yourself.
Educate yourself on eating disorders and recovery.
By learning more about disordered eating and the dangers associated with it the more you will both understand, and the better equipped you'll be to address struggles as they present themselves.
Disconnect, get outside, move your bodies together in ways that are fun and joyful.
Go on a walk, bike ride, without your phones. If she is on social media, I would suggest having her get off of it.
Seek professional help.
Find a local therapist who offers individual counseling and/or small groups, then you can gently suggest that she speak with someone. Encouraging an environment where feelings and worries can be expressed without fear of judgment. A therapist can provide guidance and interventions tailored specifically for your child's needs.
How can you approach this conversation: “I love you so much, and I see you hurting. I want you to know how worthy you are and how loved you are. And I would love for you to be able to talk with someone to provide you with some tools for loving yourself and your body.”
In your child's journey towards recovery please remember that every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Continue to walk alongside them, offering your unconditional love and support, and trust that these efforts are the stepping stones towards healing and growth.
Love and Light,
Lauren Kimbrough
Associate Licensed Counselor & Holistic Nutrition Coach
Lauren is a therapist and holistic nutrition coach offering individual therapy in person in Fairhope, Alabama or virtually to Alabama residents through Live and Love Wellness. www.LandLWellness.com
She is offering two groups this Summer for High School Girls.
If you live near the Eastern Shore, contact Lauren to sign up! lauren@LandLWellness.Com
Sources:
Klump, K. L., Bulik, C. M., Kaye, W. H., Treasure, J., & Tyson, E. (2017). Academy for eating disorders position paper: Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 42(2), 97–103.
Terkeurst, Lysa. (2010) Made to Crave. *Check out Lysa’s book, Made to Crave here.
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