Grieving Outside the Lines
A counselor’s response to the Nashville shooting and the loss that remains in us all.
By Lisa Donohue, CLC
I was discipled to tears last Sunday by the children of Midtown Fellowship, 12 South, in Nashville. Following the violence committed against dearly beloved children and adults on that beautiful hill on a Monday morning in March, I found myself unable to process the gravity of it all, the indwelling evil and confusion. Yet there I found myself, nestled in the middle of an overflowing congregation, ironically anchored between a student and a teacher. Eagerly longing to hear Truth, to experience tears necessary for healing, my purse was jammed with tissue, my heart jammed with sadness.
Where is Jesus for the believing family? Where?
Stories of gruesome violence are not withheld from Scripture, yet when it occurs repeatedly in this generation, it feels surreal. The anger, the sorrow, the weeping, the bitterness, the cursing, the holding, the singing and the yelling, all signs of life this side of heaven. Through the story of Christ, Genesis to Revelation, battles have raged, blood has been shed, yet justice has not been withheld from the oppressed. Justice and mercy, truth and grace…they win. AND it hurts.
Two friends, who after much pain, chose hip replacement surgery, shared a common experience. Months after the surgery, when asked about the pain and healing process, both stated with lifted eyes, the before pain was unbearable. The pain post-surgery was no less painful… “but it was healing pain.”
The difference for those who believe isn’t the level of pain, or the hope that there won’t be any more pain, but purpose in the pain.
For my friends, the purpose in their healing pain was movement, new life, stabilization, restored joy, and reconnections to their always-on-the-move community. With purpose, healing pain is endured with grace, grit, endurance, and hope.
His heart pulsing, the anticipation of a forthcoming gruesome act caused blood to drip from his forehead. Jesus, too, also chose to endure pain, a violent death, but for an eternal purpose. His pain laid the foundation for our healing and reconciliation spiritually, emotionally, relationally. Every ounce of blood was purposed, yet not without extreme anguish. Scripture says that he died for the hope set before him.
For those whose heart is crushed in a million pieces…
whose child is suffering, whose spouse is depressed, who’ve experienced evil, who fight addiction, who daily battle loneliness, who can’t seem to experience peace or hope, who can’t identify their worth, purpose matters. Because he suffered, we have hope that…
our soul may find peace in a world full of evil; the persecuted and wounded may daily cry out and find comfort; the broken, tired, isolated, or betrayed heart might be healed and tears find a place to rest without fear; failures might be placed to rest without shame or guilt; that striving may cease and His strength overwhelm; relationships be found surrendered in His hands need not be tightened by our grip; and being fully known by One is our truest identity.
Whether you’re a believer or not, there will be pain. We can’t deny it, avoid it, or fix it. But come, join the faith-filled family bringing your pain and stay, not because believers have a quick fix, but because there’s comfort in meeting your weeping King…the one who knows the taste of salty tears. A king who ruled not with swords or guns, but a King well acquainted with grief. He rules in and through forgiveness, justice and mercy, truth and grace, and pain.
The purpose in his pain was to provide hope in ours.
He grieved outside the lines, the ugly snot cry. The one we avoid at all costs, the healing pain that bridges all emotional, spiritual, and relational pain. There is a purpose in healing pain, and the only cost is a surrendered life.
Today, will you soften your hardened heart and ask him to heal your pain into new life?
What does that look like?
1. Go out for coffee with a believer. Ask them about their suffering.
2. Engage a season of personal coaching or counseling.
3. Sit quietly with your Maker and listen.
4. Work it out…listen to music that reaches deep. Some will be labeled Christian, and some won’t. The Christian life isn’t a genre, it’s all of life.
5. Run, throw things, curse, cry, laugh, sing, meditate, and find yourself closer to God while grieving outside the lines.
Sources for healing/grieving in the wake of another school shooting or for anyone who needs to hear either Truth or feel tears, “or who needs a truckload of both*”
Podcast:
*Midtown Fellowship 12 South Sermons, Palm Sunday Pastor Elliott Cherry
Music:
Andrew Peterson: The Reckoning (How Long)
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven and of which I, Paul, became a minister.
Colossians 1:21-23.
“who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:2
Lisa Donohue is author of Soul Rest, speaker, and AACC Certified Life Coach at Stonewashed LLC in Birmingham, Alabama.
Click below to SHARE with a friend: