Ownership: Are You Taking Responsibility For Your Life?
“It is impossible to fix a problem you can’t admit you have.”
By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC
By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC
What Life Skill has been critical to your Life Journey?
For me, learning to discern what is mine and what is NOT mine has been life changing. Growing in my ability to set boundaries has set me free from blame, criticism, and codependency. I am free to choose!
"Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries." – Dr. Henry Cloud.
Jesus grew and matured throughout his time on earth.
Luke 2:52 “And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.” Jesus grew physically –“in stature”, He grew emotionally –“in wisdom”, He grew relationally –“in favor with man”, and He grew spiritually –“in favor with God.”
We need physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual boundaries in our lives to help us determine the things that are our responsibilities and what is NOT our responsibility!
We must OWN our life.
OWNERSHIP: “It is impossible to fix a problem you can’t admit you have.”
When we take responsibility for our lives, we’re empowered to make changes.
Ownership empowers us to act — to use our various skills to make plans, tackle a hurtful situation, or right a wrong. People who “own” their problems are people who can take initiative.
Ownership also gives us freedom. You are no longer a slave to the past, to false hope, to wishing someone would change, or to discouragement and passivity. You are free to try out answers, take risks, and take steps.
Ownership is, in fact, a blessing. It feels uncomfortable at first but pays off later. The other side of the coin, which is blame, is the opposite —a kind of curse. It feels good at first, but in time it ruins us.
Technically, when we blame, we project all responsibility for a problem onto something or someone else. It keeps us in bondage. That’s why every one of us needs to be aware of, and deal with, any tendencies to find fault, blame, excuse, minimize, or deny our responsibility to any given situation.
So, where do you begin in owning your life and taking responsibility?
I believe working with two words can help you discern how to take ownership/responsibility for your life. Two words that can change everything: “CREATE” and “ALLOW.” The reality of life is that whatever state I find myself in, I am either “creating it” or “allowing it” to exist.
I am creating it by:
1. Taking on more than I actually have time and energy to do.
2. Failure to practice self-care and become emotionally exhausted leads to poor decisions.
3. Neglecting to determine priorities and guard time for rest.
I am allowing it by:
1. Not saying “NO” to other people’s agendas without considering the cost to my own responsibilities.
2. Not confronting someone who is not doing their part in a shared goal or project.
3. Not speaking to bad behavior that is undermining my goals or dreams.
The road back to a better path begins with one step: OWNERSHIP.
I refuse to see myself as a victim who has no control over my time and energy. I must OWN MY LIFE. I’m in charge of me!
Own the reality that you are creating or allowing.
Consider these questions:
1. Desire: What do you want? What are the “main” things that I want, personally and professionally?
2. Direction: Where are you headed? What are the specific activities (time and energy) that must occur for these to be realized?
3. Time: When will I do this? When, specifically, will I do those activities?
4. NO: What do I need to say “NO” to? What, or whom, do I need to say “no” to in order for number 3 to happen?
5. Confront: Who or What do I need to face? What misbehavior or non-performance by others must be stopped for my priorities to be reached?
The failure to get specific about these questions produces the vast majority of unrealized desires and goals.
3 STEPS that will help you take ownership of your life.
1. COMMUNITY
First, don’t go it alone. Chances are if you’re overwhelmed in some area of your life, you will need support and encouragement in order to make the necessary changes. Who’s on YOUR Team?
2. FEAR
Face your fears that are keeping you from doing what you need to do. What do you fear? – someone being angry with you? Rejecting you? Disapproving of you? Fear of letting go of something, or even someone, that is standing in the way of where you need to go and what you need to do?
3. ACTION
Ask these questions in all of the important areas of your life: relationships, personal goals, work, health, spirituality. Be intentional. Take ACTION. We have to take ownership of all aspects of life, otherwise life will “happen to us,” instead of being “lived by us.”
Growth and maturity will not happen just because you are getting older. Growing up is hard. It takes ownership and the courage to create the life you desire, and not allow the one you don’t.
I recently read in a Blog by Pastor Justin Buzzard a short definition of “responsibility” for the Christian. Responsibility: My response to His ability. This 5-word definition says so much. This 5-word definition captures the heart of being a disciple of Jesus and glorifying God in this world.
Responsibility: My response to His ability.
God has given us what we need to take charge of our life.
Own your life! You really are Response-Able!
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.
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