What Is My Enneagram Stance and Why Is It So Important?

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

I will never forget the first time I heard about the enneagram. By simply looking at the descriptions I quickly “typed” myself and immediately felt validated and understood. A few minutes later, my dad walked in and by reading out his [potential] type’s “core fear”, “core motivation,” and “the message my heart longs to hear,” he lit up –feeling instantly seen and connected to the description.

It’s amazing how hearing/reading a description about who we are can impact us so deeply.

…It reveals that, whether we acknowledge it or not, we all have a core longing to be seen and loved for who we are.

I recently attended an enneagram training on Enneagram “Stances” that brought a new dimension to the assessment as it revealed our “Social style,” i.e. how we approach the world to get what we need or want. It also reveals the center of us that we access the least (i.e. thinking, feeling, or doing centers). But first, let’s look at:

Three Stances, Three Strategies

To understand a stance, you don’t need to know the enneagram, but simply reflect on how you approach life. But for those enthusiasts, here’s a quick refresher on the enneagram:*

There are 9 types and out of them, three are feeling-types (2, 3, 4); three are thinking-types (5, 6, 7); and three are doing-types (8, 9, 1). This is not to say that we don’t all feel, think, and do, but we all have a singular dominant approach that we take in and process information.

Stances reveal what is repressed or least accessed within us (i.e. feelings, thoughts, or doing). The three stances are Aggressive, Dependent, and Withdrawn.

Enneagram stances can be so helpful to discern not only how we see and engage with the world but also how others do!

When we grow in our awareness of self and others, we open ourselves up to be fully known but also allow others (including the Lord) to sharpen us and grow us to become more spiritually and emotionally mature individuals.

The Aggressive Stance (Type 3, 7, 8)

The Aggressive stance is bold and assertive as they believe they can do whatever is needed to get things done. Thus, they move against people, focusing on what they need or want.

Threes move against what gets in the way of their goals.
Sevens move against what gets in their way of happiness.
Eights move against what gets in the way of their agenda.

This stance is Feelings-repressed, meaning they access their feelings last. As a result, they have more energy and optimism to achieve because they don’t tap into the emotions around them.

The Aggressive stance does not imply a physical sense of aggression, but they have the power/initiative to naturally and intuitively reshape their reality, i.e., people, situations, and experiences to what they want them to be on a daily basis.

Aggressives tend to dodge direct personal questions and sometimes don’t even notice them due to their forward motion. They prefer to protect their privacy and don’t respond well to outside expectations that aren’t necessary in a work setting or in personal relationships

Orientation to time: Future-focused

Example: Goal setting, anticipation of fun, and formulating plans of action

Some key characteristics:

Prone to planning and action.
High energy
Highly value personal freedom
Direct
Persuasive

How to Achieve Balance

Aggressive types tend to live more disconnected from their feelings, so in order to achieve balance, consider tapping into your feelings to avoid burnout and work towards things that truly matter and are meaningful.

Pro tip: Journaling, vision boarding, and asking for feedback from those more connected to their feelings.

The Dependent Stance (1, 2, 6)

The dependent stance’s reference point for life is outside of them. They take the cues for life from the people and situations in their path. They move towards people with solutions to get their wants and needs met.

Ones move towards what will earn them autonomy by following rules and doing what’s right.
Twos move towards what will earn them praise and acceptance by focusing on helping others.
Sixes move towards what will help them feel safe by building a secure environment and aligning themselves with a group.

Those in the dependent stance are thinking repressed. Though they are constantly thinking, their thinking can be non-productive as it is focused solely on motivations outside of themselves.

Ones get wrecked by thinking of perfectionistic standards and judgements of others and internalize a harsh inner critic as a result.
Twos get wrecked by thinking of the feelings of people –especially close relationships, they always feel compelled to help.
Sixes get wrecked thinking on every possible outside thing that could go wrong and making a plan for it –paralysis by analysis.

Dependents are aware of the needs in front of them and spend their energy on trying to fulfill that need and make it better. They naturally allow the immediate situation to determine their agenda and feel directly responsible for making the world a better place. They typically end up in helping professions such as healthcare, education, and ministry.

They tend to struggle to plan their own lives apart from the influence of others. It is very difficult for Dependents to plan ahead because everything depends on what the day and people will ask of them.

Boundary setting and saying no can be very hard for the dependent stance.

Orientation to time: The Present

Example: what needs to be done/correcting what’s been done wrong; person needing help; daily schedules and responsibilities

Some key characteristics:

Relational
Problem-solving
Emotionally intuitive
Compassionate towards people and causes
Concerned for the greater good

How to Achieve Balance

Dependent types tend to live more disconnected from their thinking –specifically about who they are apart from the people in their lives or the situations that “need them.”

So, in order to achieve balance, consider connecting with yourself through considering your own desires, extending the same compassion to yourself that you give to others.

Pro tip: Journaling; taking long walks in nature to connect with yourself; finding hobbies that you are passionate about apart from what you do for others –anchoring in your own sense of self; and spend time with people who value who you are over what you do for them.

The Withdrawn Stance (4, 5, 9)

The Withdrawn stance is accustomed to focusing inward, possessing an independent point of view, and depending on their own strength to get through. It is natural for them to retreat into their rich inner world and rely on their own strength and knowledge. In other words, they move away from others and look inward in order to get their needs met.

Fours move away from a sense of something missing within them by connecting with their authenticity.
Fives move away from what triggers their personal shortcomings by finding security within their minds and resources.
Nines move away from conflict and distress by seeking an environment that brings them peace.

Those in the withdrawn stance are “doing repressed.” Doing is accessed last, after thinking and feeling, though they generally do what they like and want in order to meet their own needs.

Withdrawn types love complexity and intricacy. Because they have many complex interrelated parts and elements, it’s harder for them to pay attention to day-to-day responsibilities.

However, they generally believe they don’t have much of an effect on anything and can be blind to what’s going on –though they’re not oblivious to it. They can observe the person or situation, think about it –even offer solutions, but rarely on their own initiative do they do something about what they see. What they could do/should do often doesn’t even come to mind.

Those in the Withdrawn stance think that they engage and talk with the rest of the world more than they actually do. Sometimes, they can even feel isolated because they naturally live their rich interior life as if it was real life.

Orientation to time: The Past

Example: Learned information about systems/thought; rumination on experiences and people; what is missing from your life; past memories

Some key characteristics:

Self-aware
Imaginative
Observant
Insightful
Curious

How to Achieve Balance

The Withdrawn type can often feel dissatisfied because they don’t know how to act on their own behalf and find it very hard to put action behind their ideas. (You’ve got great ones! You just fear you don’t have the energy to execute.)

Pro tip: Seek out others to share your ideas and passions with. The more affirmation, encouragement, and accountability you can surround yourself with the better. It just involves stepping out of your inner world and risking in relationships to be known.

As you grow in your awareness of your motivations and tendencies, i.e. why you do the things you do, I hope you will extend more compassion to yourself and others –just as Jesus does. He sees all of our junk and styles of self-protection and getting our own needs met, and accepts us fully, while fully committing to our growth and freedom.

Philippians 1:6

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

*To discover your type on the enneagram, we recommend this test. And this book.

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Audrey Hardin is a Therapist, Speaker, and Workshop Leader at Hardin Life Resources in Dallas and McKinney, TX.

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