How to Understand Your Life Story Using the Enneagram
““The Enneagram reveals strategies and gives guidance to understand the story of where I’ve come from and decide where I’m headed.”
By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC
By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC
“There is a great gulf between the way my ego (false, adaptive self) wants to identify me, with its protective masks and self-serving fictions, and my true self. It takes time and hard experience to sense the difference between the two – to sense that running beneath the surface of the experience I call life, there is a deeper and truer life waiting to be acknowledged.”
~Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak.
I want to live the life God has designed for me. I desire to be my best self, my True Self. Luke 15:17 describes the Prodigal Son: “But when he came to his senses, … “(which means “he came to his True Self”).
I know God has made me for a deeper, truer life and that is what I want. I am committed to remove the protective masks and self-serving lies that sabotage being my Real Self and sabotage authenticity in my relationships.
The Bible teaches that growing to maturity in Christ is an active, intentional and deliberate focus on identifying whatever behaviors or habits that rob me from being my Real Self. I am in a war between my flesh and my heart. God has empowered me to win the battle and live out of my New Heart. Therefore, I must put a “red laser beam” on my broken parts and allow God to make something new from the rubble of my shame and failures.
THE ENNEAGRAM
The Enneagram is a tool to help me explore my strengths and more importantly, my brokenness, by identifying the underlying motivations of my actions and examine both my fears and my self-protecting strategies —the False Self.
The Enneagram provides me with strategies and guidance on how I can become a lifelong learner of myself and how and why I respond as I do to the world around me.
Thus, the Enneagram is a growth tool I utilize to understand my limitations, and how I gain the capacity to move beyond them to realize my full potential.
The Enneagram helps me discover my heart’s core longing and how Christ alone can satisfy it. The point of using the Enneagram is transformation.
While the Enneagram reveals my positive strengths, motivations and heart longings, it most uniquely reveals my core fears, weaknesses, insecurities and sin tendencies. Those parts are not so flattering, acting as an Achilles’ heel and causing pain and frustration in my heart and relationships.
TELLING MY STORY THROUGH THE ENNEAGRAM
First of all, none of us began our story as a certain enneagram type. If that were the case it would be our “nature”. But the fact is, we weren’t “born that way. Rather the enneagram tells the story of how we were “nurtured” in our families as we grew up.
I identify most strongly with Style 7 as my core Enneagram style. I value joyfulness more than anything else. I value variety and excitement, and I want to celebrate life and experience as much of it as I can. I want to fill the world with fun and delight.
I like to be friendly and fun-loving. I am a good storyteller. I am creative and full of interesting ideas, and I enjoy planning new projects.
But the story of most type 7’s begins with limitations.
In some ways, type 7’s feel they are held back from the good things in life. Good things being withheld becomes a core fear. They don’t want to face the pain of deprivation and so they tend to “grab for all the gusto”, which at times can look compulsive and even gluttonous because they can “overdo” in wanting this good thing/experience to last.
This matches with my childhood story.
My parents lived a simple life with simple financial means. In addition, they were God-fearing and, in their desire to be good stewards of what they had, would often say, “No, you can’t have that”. As a child, I didn’t understand the concept of “we don’t have the money” – it just felt like the good things were being withheld from me.
So, a lot of my enthusiasm and wanting to have another great adventure throughout my life, has been a way of trying to cope with that early pain of thinking I will never get to have the good things. This can show up in some crazy ways and small ways – such as overeating. I simply don’t want the “good stuff” to end!
When I lose my natural optimism and I become compulsive and try to see everything through rose-colored glasses or I overindulge in a constant effort to seek new highs, comforts and experiences to relieve pain and fear, it is that red laser beam showing me my self-soothing and illegitimate ways of trying to meet my core longings instead of turning to the Lord and surrendering these sinful strategies.
The Enneagram has helped me identify the subtle ways I get off-track in my walk of faith and growth. It answers critical questions in order to help me become my True Self.
BEGIN TO TELL YOUR STORY
These seven questions will help you discover your story. Get honest first with yourself and then share your story with another. James 5:16 says,
“Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” This is how we keep on the growth path in our relationship with God, our self and others.
What do you find easy to do?
What do you find difficult to do?
What are your defensive maneuvers?
How did you learn your style?
Where do you go with stress?
Where do you go in peaceful circumstances?
How can you be more in balance?
THE ENNEAGRAM AND HOPE
Knowing and being known is the definition of intimacy and that is what I long for and need. The Enneagram helps me hear the Gospel and its truths in a personal, tailor-made way, helping my heart to better receive it. This brings tremendous hope and power to my walk with God!
The Enneagram can help you tell your story and become your Best Self, your REAL Self. Use it wisely. Be all God designed you to be.
Ride ON!
Phil
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.
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