The Unseen Pain of Emotional Wounds

By Philip K. Hardin, MA, MDiv, LMFT, LPC

People are born for trouble as readily as sparks fly up from a fire.

- Job 5:7 – New Living Translation

Unseen danger is impossible to avoid, and unseen pain is hard to heal. Wearing a mask is reported to protect me from a virus, but what protects me from emotional wounds?

I often hear this in my counseling office: “If only my arm was broken! Then people would know I was suffering. But no one sees me suffer. No one understands because no one sees my wounds.”

The invisible wounds that we all carry are emotional ones.

We all hold within our body scars from past emotional hurts. These scars, as well as the underlying damage, are invisible to most of those around us. But we feel that hurt, pain that is often at least as intense as that associated with any physical wound.

For many, this can lead to confusion since there is nothing anyone sees. To the world, we look the same as always. We, and others, may wonder how things in the past can have such a continuing influence on us in the present.

We may feel that because these hurts are not physical, they are somehow less real.

Because of this we may feel guilt over the continuing effects of the hurts. And in the event that we don’t naturally respond with guilt, there will always be plenty of other people who help us feel guilty by telling us that we should be over the past hurts by now, that it is time to forget the past and to get on with life.

Even though the emotional world is unseen, it is every bit as real as the physical one.

Everyone receives hurts that they do not deserve.

Each stage of life has its own unique emotional landmines and most of us stumble onto a number of these during the course of our lives.

Prenatal Emotional Wounds:

hurts that occur even before birth. Research shows that a developing fetus is capable of experiencing emotional trauma and of retaining the effects of this trauma after birth. The memory of these experiences is only a feeling memory.

Childhood Emotional Wounds:

Hurts and wounds that have been experienced in childhood, such as, sexual abuse, divorce, death of a significant other, ridicule, or rejection. Vulnerability to hurt in childhood comes in many forms. It cannot be avoided.

Adolescent Emotional Wounds:

The most significant hurt for teens is breakup of romantic relationships, the insensitivity of a friend, or parents failing to validate their hurt. Teen hurt is often a natural consequence of the expectations and then disappointment of their belief of how the world ought to run.

Adult Emotional Wounds:

The core of the hurts in adulthood is the perceived violation of trust. This hurt has its source in the perception that someone who was trusted and from whom loyalty was assumed, has acted in disregard of that trust.

The unseen pain of emotional hurts is real. Identifying how you have been hurt can lead to the freedom you long for in order to be all God designed you to be.

How to Heal

Healing an Emotional Wound can seem impossible because it is unseen or abstracted from our conscious understanding. As I said earlier, a physical injury— a broken bone, a strained muscle, an open wound would be easier to detect and see improvement.

Because issues of the mind and heart are harder to detect, and thus easier to hide, from the outside world, we fool ourselves into dismissing or ignoring or avoiding them in an effort to convince ourselves that we are okay and should just “move on”.

But just like any physical wound, a broken heart requires attention, care, love, and healing.

So, how does one go about healing from an Emotional Wound – an emotional trauma or tragedy?

I offer three suggestions:

1. IDENTIFY THE CAUSE

Know your story.

Just like a physician asks for each patient to fill out an intake form to see their health history in order to see “cause and effect “connections, we need to look at events, key relationships and losses throughout our lives as they can help reveal some of our unresolved wounds.

Simply take stock of what consistently causes your discomfort. What are the constant thoughts running through your mind, emotions you feel and breakdowns in your relationships? This awareness can surface your emotional wounds.

2. LIVE IN THE PRESENT

Being self-aware and present in the current moment is a vital component of a peaceful life at any stage. Slowing down allows us to acknowledge and validate our pain and wounded feelings instead of masking it with busy schedules, addictions and escape.

Once you get to the root cause of your pain, you must consciously lean into it and intentionally decide release it.

3. COMMIT TO THE PROCESS

Give yourself real time to heal; you cannot put a deadline on your progress. Understand that while the choice to heal can be made in any given moment, it may take a significant part of a lifetime to heal deeply rooted suffering. Rushing yourself will only result in more distress.

So, instead, speak kind words of encouragement to yourself, and be proud of every step you are taking towards repairing your mind, heart, and spirit.

I close with the words from Job 5:18 – The Message:

“True, he wounds, but he also dresses the wound.

The same hand that hurts you, heals you.”

Ride ON!

Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.

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