3 Steps to Take Down Your Inner Critic
“People who claim to be ‘perfectionists,’ ‘hard on themselves’ or ‘their own worst critic’ are usually fighting the voice of an inner critic.”
-Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC: PNLP
By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP
Any time that we are trying to create a new habit or change our behavior to reach a goal, there will be resistance. The reason being is that our brains are wired to keep us safe. Since a new habit is unfamiliar, our brains signal the new actions as “too much” or “not safe” even if the behavior is good.
This is important when we are facing New Years’ Resolutions or goals. We may give up too easily because our brains want us to give up! Our brains communicate this resistance usually in the form of either an outer or inner critic’s voice. I have previously written about the outer critic, so I will focus on the voice of the inner critic.
The inner critic can easily be mistaken for our own voice. It can start at an early age when developmentally as children, we think we must be part of the problem, or we need to come up with the solution.
So, we start to make ourselves responsible for things or people we cannot change. We blame ourselves for why our parents fought, or why the teacher ignored us. As an adult we know this is not true, yet the child’s perspective remains in the inner critic.
People who claim to be “perfectionists,” “hard on themselves,” or “their own worst critic” are usually fighting the voice of an inner critic, versus this being a real trait of their personality. I have found that naming the critic helps separate it from being mistaken as part of my identity. I named mine, “Kenny.”
In order to reclaim my voice and true identity, I have to set the boundary that Kenny is not allowed to comment on my work, my appearance, my relationships, my past or my future because Kenny is unrealistic, harsh, and not helpful. He is not a motivational coach. Instead, he is a dictator-like taskmaster. I will never receive Kenny’s approval because if I did, he would not fulfill his role.
The Inner Critic’s Role
The role of Kenny, or the inner critic, is to “fix you” so you can live your best life. The problem is, you will never be able fix yourself enough to placate him. So, he is always scanning for your flaws, and harshly beating you down to behave perfectly.
Take a second to read the following statements. Check them off if you have ever heard these thoughts.
“Your life would be better if you were better.”
“You are always screwing up.”
“You’ll never get it right.”
“They probably don’t like you. They think you are weird.”
“You’re too different. No one will accept you.”
“They don’t really mean those compliments. They are just saying that to be nice.”
“You’re not enough.”
“You’re a fraud. Wait until they find out who you really are.”
“Why can’t you be more like them? You are so lazy, and you procrastinate.”
“You’ll never be successful like them.”
“You should have handled that better. Now you ruined it. You need to apologize, but it’s probably too late.”
“Work harder. You didn’t do enough today.”
“Move it! You are too slow! Hurry! You have to get it all done!”
“They will disown you for what you did!”
“No one wants to hear you speak. You don’t offer anything of value.”
“You didn’t do enough research. No one will respect you.”
“You’re always failing. Why can’t you just be better?”
If any of this sounds familiar, I want to counter all these statements and say, “
These are all lies told by your inner critic! These are NOT true of you.
Dismantle Your Inner Critic With TRUTH
The key to dismantle the power of the inner critic is to stop its voice with truth.
Sadly, my inner critic was so entrenched in my identity, I believed it as true. But when I turned to Scripture, I found the ammunition I needed to stop the lies.
In Romans 8:1, Paul states, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.”
If we continue to allow the voice of the inner critic to dictate our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, we miss out on the truth of the Gospel.
For believers, the truth is:
We are accepted, not condemned.
We are beloved, not wretched.
We are redeemed, not cursed.
Our inner critic robs us of relationship with God the Father because we do not trust in the power of the Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. Instead, we are still trying to perfect ourselves in self-effort.
It is so sad to me that we as believers have the best ammunition against the inner critic! Yet, we give into it so much that we mistake God’s voice as our inner critic. God does not demand perfection. He calls us to “be holy because He is holy” (1 Peter 1:16), yet it is NOT from our power. It is from our surrender to His power!
So, we must intentionally make a daily practice to identify the lies and counter them with truth statements. Hopeful Self-Journaling has been the ultimate tool to take down my inner critic, Kenny. Even if I let myself be beat up by him some days, I heal when I come back to truth. In my journaling, I find my affirmation from truth in Scripture. I challenge my negative thoughts to believe in His power, and in Him, my hopeful traits are found.
So, if you are going to have any goal this year, I invite you to dismantle the power of the inner critic’s voice with three steps:
3 Steps to Dismantle Your Inner Critic
1. Identify the inner critic’s script.
What lines does he feed you? Or how do you speak to yourself?
2. Hopeful-Self Journal daily.
This works with your neuroplasticity of your brain by consistently creating a new thought-pattern. Counter the lies with truth from Scripture.
3. Get out loud about your thought life with a trusted friend or counselor.
Don’t let the lies of your inner critic or the enemy take you down in isolation.
There is a battle within each of us especially with the outer and inner critics’ voices. We must help each other get back to truth. Scripture is our sword to cut down the lies. Now, let’s use the weapon we have!
“So, Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you FREE.’” - John 8:31-32 ESV
Abigail Cole Hardin is a Certified Life Coach and a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner for Hardin Life Resources
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