COVID-19: How to Grieve and Resolve

“Grief is inevitable when there is loss. Discover three ways to help resolve grief.”

By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP

By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP

Welcome to August 2020, the sixth month of COVID-19 quarantine. This virus has been the impetus of so much change, as well as so much loss. From loss of life to loss of jobs—to loss of connection, to loss of safety—we, as a world, are experiencing loss on many levels… and where there is loss, there is grief. 

Honestly, as I write this, I am fighting back tears. Grief hurts. It’s not something that we address and quickly move on and adapt. It’s something we have to process in layers, and it takes time to sort through those layers.

When we sort through our layers of loss, we experience grief. 

Therapeutically, I’ve learned that grief has five stages: 

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Unfortunately, these grief stages are not a set formula. We can jump from denial to depression or begin to bargain only to revert to anger.

We’ve all been witnessing these stages of grief in our country—from busying ourselves with tasks to deny our realities, or trying to manage our depression by eating and drinking our feelings. We can try bargaining that if we all do our part, then we can be safe, yet soon become angry when others are in denial. It’s a vicious cycle.

Personally, I have been ricocheting between these stages over the last six months. I even experienced acceptance, but soon jumped to anger because there are layers of loss. There is no closure. We are still in the midst of loss. And where there is loss, there is grief.

So, what’s the solution to grief?

• Try to control our worlds, so we don’t have to experience more loss?

• Live in fear of what else could be taken away?

• Minimize our loss, and say it’s not that big of a deal?

• Suppress our feelings?

• Try to be grateful for what we do have?

While I’m guilty of trying these makeshift solutions, I have come to find that none of them take away the pain of loss. Even when I am grateful, I can still be in grief.

Yet I have discovered three things that help resolve grief:

1. Acknowledge the loss.

2. Be patient with the timeline.

3. Do not isolate.

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Minimizing or denying or trying to manage what we have lost only delays the pain of loss. It will catch up to us. Remember, denial is usually the first stage of grief. Thus, denial does not equal acceptance. So, in order for us to come to acceptance, we must acknowledge the loss.

2. Be Patient with the Timeline

It’s a human reaction to try to avoid pain. We want to rid ourselves of pain as quickly as possible. Yet, depending on the level of loss, we can be feeling pain for a while. That is why we have to remind ourselves, that the bigger the wound, the more time it takes to heal. 

If we rush the healing process, we only re-injure ourselves. So just like you would need to be patient with a broken bone in a cast, be patient with the injury of loss. Grief is a healing process. Commit to the process, and allow time for the pain of loss.

3. Do Not Isolate

While we are not alone in feeling the pain of loss, we are so afraid to admit it to another. It is isolating when we are not honest about our pain with one another. Sadly, social media has blurred the lines of what community looks like. We scroll through individual’s profiles who start their own topics of conversation that can be super positive or super negative. It’s not intimate, it’s general. It’s not an intentional conversation, it’s a call to the masses.

Social media is a twisted form of isolation. So, when I say, do not isolate, I mean—do not hide behind a screen, but initiate a real, authentic connection by having a vulnerable conversation with a trusted friend or family member. A phone call, a FaceTime, a safe meeting in the park—whatever you can do during this time, be WITH people.

Share your pain, not to vent and dump on someone, but to humbly and vulnerably admit. Then be there to fully listen to another. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. When we are vulnerable, we acknowledge our pain, and begin to find healing through connection with one another. 

So, Plot Twist!

These three steps to resolve grief are not what I learned from counseling or coaching —it’s what I learned from our Creator who made us so intricately.

1. Acknowledge the Loss.

The Bible is full of leading us to acknowledge our pain, our brokenness, our sin, our needs, etc. because when we acknowledge, we humble ourselves and look to the Lord to be our answer.

Through acknowledgement of our own depravity, we learn who He is.

He is our ultimate Comforter, our ultimate Healer, our ultimate Savior, and our ultimate Provider. Out of loss, we find Who we gain.

2. Be Patient with the Timeline

We don’t see time the way the Lord sees time.

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (2 Peter 3:8 ESV). 

He is the author of time.

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:16 NLT).

So, who are we to determine a timeline? We must trust in His timing because He knows what the end of the story looks like. Don’t be worried about what chapter you’re on. He’s not finished. 

The best part—He’s “working it all for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28 ESV). That’s why we can rest and be patient, for He is good.

3. Do Not Isolate

God is three in one—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He is the epitome of relationship. And what was severed in relationship by the fall, He resolved our relationship with Him by the sacrifice of His Son. 

So, bottom line—He does not want you to be isolated. That’s not in His character or essence. And He “created us in His image” (Gen. 1:27) and told Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). So, we were meant to be in relationship with God and in community. 

Ultimately, God clearly shows that through relationship, we can be healed (James 5:16), we can be comforted (Matt. 5:4), and we can have hope. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). 

These three resolutions to grief are themes in the Bible and honestly, what I have witnessed in my own life and healing.

Grief is tricky. It’s not a quick fix. It’s painful. It has five stages. It takes time with no deadline. And it’s inevitable when there is loss.

Yet, what we see as loss, God sees as redemption.

Trust in His view of things right now. That is where we find our hope—in Him and only Him.

Consider watching: The American Gospel documentary on Netflix or Youtube.com

Consider reading: “Therefore I Have Hope: 12 Truths That Comfort, Sustain, and Redeem in Tragedy” By Cameron Cole

Abigail Cole Hardin is a Certified Life Coach and a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner for Hardin Life Resources

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