How Can We SEE Our Blind Spots?

“Why does it often take a collision or an ‘almost-accident’ to wake us up to examine our driving patterns and remind us to be more intentional about checking our blind spots? The same goes for our relational blind spots…”

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

Driver’s Ed 101 teaches you that there are areas around you that you cannot see from where you sit in your car. You can check your rear view and side mirrors, but eventually, you discover that even they cannot reveal everything to you.

I learned this the hard way. As a fairly seasoned driver, I became pretty confident that I knew what was going on around me at all times. It’s funny that the longer we drive and the more risky drivers and crazy accidents we see, we tend to grow in confidence rather than caution. Recently, however, a teen driver entered my blind spot as I was changing lanes and we collided.

Why does it often take a collision or an “almost-accident” to wake us up to examine our driving patterns and remind us to be more intentional about checking our blind spots?

The same goes for our relationships. It often takes a break-up, a blow-up, a rebellious child, a lost job, or simply a hurt friend to reveal that we’ve missed something.  

Or worse… if we don’t have people in our lives to hold up the mirror, we can be self-deceived –thinking we are doing better in our relationships than we actually are.

RELATIONAL BLIND SPOTS

There are many types of blind spots that can show up in our lives but Relational blind spots are some of the hardest to detect yet can be the most harmful to those around us -especially those we love. Often, they can lurk in the very character traits that we feel so proud of.

 A primary blind spot for me reared its ugly head in one of the characteristics I take pride in -my helpfulness.

I have always seen myself as a helpful person. I love to help others finish a project, solve a problem, clean, fix, resolve, answer, etc. However, those acts are only really “helpful” when a person wants help. 

Growing up (and let’s be honest -in my adult life too) I always attuned myself to the needs of those in the room. If someone was stressed or overwhelmed with their schedule or had a task that needed to be completed, I immediately jumped in offering advice or taking charge in whatever way I saw fit. I felt proud when I took a load off of someone’s plate, never even thinking how they felt about my intervention. 

You can imagine my surprise when I would find out later that instead of feeling grateful for my help, they were irritated and felt micromanaged. My “generous acts” actually robbed them of their problem solving confidence as my jumping in sent the message that I didn’t think they could solve it.

What I have learned about myself as a result? I am unconsciously always trying to maintain connection in my relationships by eliminating stressors in the lives of those I care about. So basically my blind spot is that sometimes my helping is self-serving!

Twisted, right? Needless to say I needed to see this!

COMMON BLIND SPOTS WE MISS

Blind spots are called such because we truly miss them. It’s why God emphasizes throughout scripture that we need Him, as well as one another, to search us, to “sharpen” us and to reveal that which we cannot see.

Consider these common characteristics that pop up in everyday life that could reveal more than meets the eye: 

TONE OF VOICE

Maybe what you have to say is accurate but your tone keeps others from wanting to listen or adhere to your advice or instruction.

BEING LATE

You might unwittingly believe that what you were doing prior to meeting your friend/coworker is more important than what you are arriving late to.

FAILURE TO COMMIT/ LAST MINUTE CANCELLATIONS OR CHANGES

Perhaps you struggle with fear or anxiety, or perhaps the TRUTH behind your cancellations is more anchored in a selfish mindset, essentially revealing that you think what you want or need is more important than what others value or want.

TRUSTWORTHINESS

Perhaps you see yourself as trustworthy. In reality, you actually do not keep the commitments that you say you will. Instead you always justify why you broke the commitment with some excuse instead of making the effort, letting go of something you would rather do or being inconvenienced in order to keep your word.

“GHOSTING'‘

You choose to disappear during correspondence with another instead of assertively stating what you think, feel, or want as a way of avoiding conflict.

IMBALANCE IN CHORES OR RESPONSIBILITIES

You may think: “Oh, I’m doing so much to help!” When in reality, you are only doing what you want to do when you want to do it. It may feel like helping to you but to the person you are living with… another story.

BELIEVING THAT YOU DON’T STRUGGLE WITH ____ ANYMORE.

BEWARE. Our road to sanctification is a long one. If someone points out a sin area or hurtful behavior to us and we actually listen and grow, that doesn’t mean that this behavior will never pop up again -instead, expect it to. Be ready to be called out again and again. It takes time to see lasting change.

4 TIPS TO IDENTIFY YOUR PERSONAL BLINDSPOT

1. Commit to self-reflection.

Notice your behaviors and consider the “why” behind them. Bear in mind that anytime we justify or excuse our behaviors -specifically those that affect others, flag it for further examination.

2. Utilize questionnaires and personality assessments.

There are two sides to every coin; therefore, utilize the assessments to identify your core weaknesses or growth areas as well as your strengths. The Enneagram, StrengthsFinder, and DISC are excellent for this.

3. Invite the Creator of the Universe to weigh in.

He knows you… all of you, since He knit you together in your mother’s womb. We need Him to reveal to us what we cannot see in ourselves and areas that even others cannot see. 

Ask Him to give you courage to see what you are afraid to see… and remind yourself that your position in Christ does not change just because you are seeing new sins. Remember, Christ died for ALL your past, present, and future sins.

4. Invite Feedback from Others.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to be objective about yourself. We can’t truly know how people perceive us and if our perception of ourselves is accurate unless we ask. Consider asking those that love you and are not afraid to be honest with you to speak into your life - confident that they truly want you to become the best you. 

Keep in mind,

Acknowledging a blind spot doesn’t mean that we can forget about it. Like in our car, once we are aware, we must continually check it to ensure our safety and the safety of those around us.

*Stay Tuned… next week I will introduce a concrete method for confronting someone on how their blind spot is hurting you with guaranteed positive results!

Audrey Hardin is a Staff Therapist and Speaker at The Center for Integrative Counseling and Psychology in Dallas, TX.

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