HOW TO RESET WHEN THE “GOING GETS TOUGH”

“When pain and exhaustion get the best of you and you need a reset, try these 3 tips!”

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC

As I was preparing to return from Christmas with the family, dread began to sink in. I was headed back to “reality” and did not feel prepared for 2020. Can anyone else relate to this?

I began to mentally list all the reasons why I was not ready to go back to the crazy reality of my next six months, and I began to feel overwhelmed and honestly…sorry for myself.

There’s such a fine line between grief and self-pity, and I had crossed it.

As I felt unprepared for “reality re-entry” and all the responsibilities and commitments that come with it, I found myself desperately wanting rescue –someone to validate my suffering and help me remove it.

In noticing this trend in my own life …a desire for rescue or reprieve (happens about every 6 months), I’ve also seen it in the lives of friends, family, and clients that come into my office.

There are moments in our lives where we hit a stride in one season or another, then we are suddenly surprised when we start to suffer, experience hardship or struggle. We question:

When will it be over? What’s the formula to make it all go away? Has God forgotten us? Why is He punishing us? How does my neighbor seem to have it easier?...

With the message of our culture being “you do you”, “live your truth”, and “overcome,” it’s easy to think that suffering no longer has to be a part of our life…and sometimes we can manage to dissociate from it just enough to fool others…even ourselves.

But then there are days that it’s just really hard to get out of bed, to face the day, and fight against the darkness. There are days when we only see the worst of our stories…the things that we have not gotten, the desires that have not been met, and the pain of those unmet longings and losses.

The longer I have lived, the more I realize how wrongly I have assessed other people when it comes to suffering.

For example, if they are beautiful or successful or wealthy…I automatically assume their life is easier than mine, that they have not suffered as I have. And you would think that as many times as I have been wrong and found out otherwise, I would stop this assumption.

We all have different desires and longings and therefore, our suffering looks different too. But to each of us, our suffering seems to be the worst.  

It reminds me of the scene in Notting Hill, when the dinner party host decides to give the last brownie to “the saddest act here.” Everyone seems to think that they are the winner and begin to share how their “sad life” deserves the last brownie. [See clip below].

Actress Anna Scott (Julia Roberts), wants a shot at the brownie and those at the party think she is joking –that there could be no possible way her life as a famous movie star would elicit any suffering to top theirs. But to their surprise, her story of suffering renders them speechless.

You just never know someone’s story until you ask.

Now, some of us may be in denial or dissociated from our suffering or loss, but that does not mean it does not exist. EVERYONE has suffering.

How do I know this? The Bible.

In John 16:33, Jesus directly states, “…You will have suffering in this world.”!!!

There has been a shift in our culture today that says that suffering does NOT have to be a part of our stories…that we can “overcome.” We can rise above suffering and just “focus on the positive.”

I’m going to call BULLSHIT on that one.

In 1 Peter 4:1, the apostle actually shows us that the opposite is true –that

to be an overcomer, you must be a sufferer.

“Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.” NIV

So, how do you RESET when the Going Gets Tough? Remind yourself of these THREE TRUTHS:

1.     No pain, No gain.

The path to spiritual growth and overcoming sin is to suffer as Christ did. Do not be surprised when you face trials, loss, and suffering. It is God’s greatest tool to make us more like Christ and also to know him more intimately.

As Paul states in Philippians 3:8-10; 15

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ …that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…

… Let those of us who are mature think this way.”

Many of us resist this truth because it is PAINFUL! But as Paul shares, those who are mature get it and embrace the suffering when it comes. There is MUCH to gain.  

2.     Remember the Promise.

Remember the promise that Jesus has for us: there is PURPOSE in our suffering –not only in this world but in the world to come. This is what we Christians refer to as “eternal perspective”.

If I don’t believe that there is life beyond this life, then anytime I experience loss in relationships, status, physical appearance, environment, or finances, I will lose heart, hope, and joy.

2 Corinthians 4:17 reminds us that this life will yield “momentary light affliction [suffering]” and at the same time is producing for us an ETERNAL weight of GLORY.

So here’s the cool part:

If we are born into suffering and die in suffering, it is still but a MOMENT in light of eternity. And -BONUS: we will experience much glory in heaven for ALL ETERNITY, far outweighing any affliction we experience here on earth!

3.     We are Created for Connection.

When we have the courage to embrace our suffering, it not only connects us to Jesus, it connects us with one another –God’s original design and desire for us.

In Genesis 2, God specified that man was not created to live in isolation but connection with others, and suffering is key to getting us there. After all, the one thing we ALL have in common is that we experience it.

When we embrace the suffering in our lives, it elicits humility and when we share it, it elicits real connection.

So, when your “going gets tough”, rejoice as you refresh yourself on all there is to gain and as you remember the ultimate truth found at the end of John 16:33:

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world." HCSB

Audrey Hardin is a Staff Therapist and Speaker at The Center for Integrative Counseling and Psychology in Dallas, TX.

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