SEX! What Was God Thinking?
God’s original design for sex can be distorted by brokenness. Consider his best for you!
By Philip K. Hardin, M.A., M. Div., LMFT, LPC
Have you ever wondered how God came up with sex? Well … I have! What was he think’in? In my teens, I felt like he was trying to both torture me and drive me crazy at the same time because that’s what sex felt like then. At that time in my life, it seemed that sex was more like a chase for the elusive rabbit. I felt tormented by the “don’t do that” mindset!
As I have matured and especially pursued God’s view of sex from the Bible, I see that God desired to give me something very special in sex. I know God always wants His BEST for me. Through Scripture, I have discovered that God created sex for two reasons.
Through sex, God created a way to fulfill His BEST for me.
Sex is a way for me to experience the desires of His heart, while at the same time fulfilling the desires of my heart, i.e. to experience a unique kind of intimacy with someone special—my wife.
“Delight yourself in the Lord
And He will give you the desires of your heart.”
-Psalm 37:4
GOD’S BEST: What are the desires of His heart?
“God blessed them and said to them,
Be fruitful and increase in number,
Fill the earth and subdue it.”
-Genesis 1:28
The first words that God spoke to the first couple on earth were about sex! God told them to be fruitful and increase in number, and the way that people can be fruitful is through sex. This is how God begins His expressed desires for Adam and Eve in the opening scene of the Bible—you have two people, a man and a woman, completely naked, standing in the middle of a beautiful garden, and the first thing God says to them is, “Go for it! Be fruitful! Multiply! WOW! Now, you could never show a movie clip of this scene in Sunday School or make this children’s sermon. What is God think’in?
God wants us to experience His BEST—not just to think about it or be frustrated by our own desires. He wants us to be fruitful and multiply.
And also notice, that God didn’t create sex simply to fulfill the desires of His heart. He also created sex in a way that it would fulfill the desires of our hearts. Sex is meant to be enjoyable and pleasurable.
God wants to bless us, to give life to us —He wants His BEST for us.
Simply put, God’s twin purposes for creating sex:
1. God wants us to experience intimacy.
2. God wants us to be fruitful.
Through sex, God has offered a creative and beautiful means for us to experience His BEST. Through the gift of sex, He really is for you, not against you!
I offer this simple diagram as an expression of His BEST intention through sex.
SEX –What’s the problem?
When we follow God’s plan, we experience the full intent of His BEST—His blessing for us. When we choose to go outside his design, then we experience the chaos, consequences, harm, and even trauma from doing sex our way and not God’s way.
God wants to protect you from the pain that comes from living life outside His boundaries.
As shown in the Diagram, the border is like a fence that keeps the goodness of God thriving. To go outside this boundary is to invite all kinds of possible pain—the chaos of broken relationships, the consequence of STD’s, the harm of guilt and shame, and even the trauma of deep wounds from sexual sin.
I especially see the damage that men have experienced as they have surrendered their souls to pornography as a counterfeit to true intimacy in marriage. Porn has robbed many men of their ability to experience intimacy in marriage and is a “poor-man’s substitute” for the desire within all of us for deep connection and love.
YES—I believe that sexual sin can harm us more than any other kind of sin.
Listen to I Corinthians 6:18-20 –The Message:
“There is a sense in which sexual sins are different than all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such his price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”
Don’t make sex a moral issue that simply says “NO”—that’s bad or wrong. Instead, see that living within the boundaries of God’s design has a GREAT EXPERIENCE AHEAD – don’t settle for anything less than God’s BEST!
SEX –What’s the solution?
The solution is simply, but not easy! Kinda like golf—it’s simply: a stick, a ball, and a hole. How hard could it be. NOT EASY! Golf is not always easy. Getting the ball in the hole can be very difficult.
Experiencing sex as God designed requires an understanding of how to experience intimacy in healthy ways. Learning how to live in healthy relationships with vulnerability, openness, and telling your story of desire and struggles in the context of safe relationships. To live in deprivation of intimacy is to set yourself up for failure as you will be tempted to use sex as the primary way to meet the legitimate need you have for intimacy.
Therefore, the solution for sexual sin is the pursuit of a high level of the experience of relational intimacy. You need to be seen, heard, understood, and cared for.
SEX –Imagine God’s BEST!
Waiting for God’s BEST is an issue of delayed gratification. Sex is a beautiful and rewarding experience intended for a man and woman in marriage. The freedom that comes when we are free of guilt or shame from our past is the experience of being “naked and unashamed” as opposed to being “exposed and deeply ashamed.”
God’s original design for sex can be distorted by our broken culture, sinful people, and selfish desires. When we place our hope in God, confess our need for him, and surrender our sex life to him, he will restore and redeem. Imagine his best for you and don’t stop until you experience it first hand.
ACTION: Do this!
I suggest 3 ACTIONS to enjoy SEX the way God intended.
1) REALIZE THE NEED FOR RELATIONSHIPS
Come to the realization of the essential need of attachment. You need connection to others. The greater your experience of fulfillment through healthy friendships, the better you will be prepared for the deeper experience of intimacy through sex. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help and support.
2) LISTEN
Be a person who learns to see another person. Be empathetic—learn to be a person who is able to understand others needs. This will soften your own heart and make you a safe partner for sexual intimacy.
3) INITIATE INITIMACY
Either in a sexual or non-sexual context, take responsibility to move toward another. If married, don’t hold back in initiating sex.
If single, take the initiative to engage in developing close friendships. Get to know others and allow them to know you. Learning how to experience deep friendships will grow your capacity for intimacy.
God offers the BEST! Imagine yourself receiving His best, especially in your marriage—in the bedroom. WOW!!!
Ride ON!
Inspired by the Book: WHAT GOD SAYS about SEX – An Inspirational Book to Help You Discover and Put Into Practice What God Says About Sex by Eric Elder
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL. Phil’s heart is for men to personally experience God’s redemptive plan through sharing their story with a community committed to whole, authentic living. Check out Men’s Coaching Weekends to learn more.
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