2 Ways To Handle Suffering: The World’s Way or God’s Way
A Christian Therapist’s Pro/Con List
By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC
Life can be so overwhelming sometimes. When hurt, betrayal, tragedy, and loss hit us, we are often unprepared and ill-equipped.
So many Christians believe that because we have Jesus, we will overcome all the trials and challenges and avoid suffering, yet that’s unbiblical and bad theology. That thinking presumes I am owed a great life because I’m a Christian.
If you’re reading this blog, like me, you understand being blindsided by suffering –maybe even by long suffering …when the suffering just doesn’t stop but keeps building -one thing on top of the other. You question God’s goodness or if he even cares about all you’re going through.
In the last week…
I’ve sat with those struggling with terminal diagnoses, infertility, emotional abuse, betrayal, estranged family members, loss of a parent, death of a child, chronic pain, self-loathing due to body image, large financial strain, divorce, loneliness, debilitating anxiety, severe bullying, house destroyed by fire, loss of a friend to suicide, church hurts, and friendship ruptures.
Any of these are devastating, but stack some of them on top of each other and/or imagine them lingering for years. The pain just doesn’t stop coming.
When it doesn’t end, we have two ways to approach it, God’s Way or the World’s Way. What way have you tried?
I’ve tried both and both have advantages and disadvantages. Decide for yourself.
THE WORLD’S WAY:
PROS
1. You feel in control
2. You can be the one “saving” your life, instead of trusting in God as savior, therefore you don’t feel as vulnerable.
3. You get to decide the way you cope with the pain: ie over-eating/eating junk food, drinking, drugs, porn, sex, shopping, raging, reckless/risky behavior, binge watching or scrolling, cleaning, achieving, sleeping.
4. You can shut out the “bad” thoughts, feelings, and realities by avoiding looking at and experiencing the pain.
5. You don’t have to take any risks if you don’t want to.
CONS
1. Being in control is an illusion. And the longer our suffering lasts, the more afraid we can feel.
2. You’re confronted by how many times you fail to be your own savior/ get it right & fix the problem…a hopeless reality.
3. When you only depend on you, you shut out others…leaving you feeling isolated and alone.
4. When you shut out the bad, you shut out the good too, so you shut out the opportunity for joy.
5. With no risks, you experience no change.
GODS WAY:
PROS
1. We can feel confident that our suffering will not return void. (Romans 5:3-5)
2. We get even more of God’s comfort as well as a platform to comfort others (2 Cor 1)
3. It’s a privilege to suffer as Christ suffered and there is great reward waiting for us. (Philippians 1:29; Matthew 5:11-12)
4. We are transformed by our suffering -we are gradually becoming less pretentious, more authentic, beautiful, and brighter. (2 Corinthians 3:16-18)
5. Our suffering shifts our reliance from self to God, who will never fail us –compared to me failing me often.
6. Suffering can push us into deeper community with other believers, reminding us we are not alone and weren’t ever supposed to be. (Galatians 6)
CONS
I must surrender control and trust his way over mine. (Isaiah 55: 8-9)
OF COURSE, ASK FOR IT TO END.
We are invited to ask for healing and change. And sometimes it is for our benefit and God’s glory for there to be healing.
Other times, we are like Paul, who asked God to remove the thorn in his flesh three times.
God told Paul that it was actually to Paul’s BENEFIT that the thorn remain…”for my grace is sufficient for you For my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12). When suffering hits, we can choose where we put our trust and life in.
Do we trust God’s word to be true -that his power is made perfect in our weakness? or do we expect something else?
Expectations are premeditated resentments.
When we expect God to give us a pain-free life, it’s easy for us to resent him and run from him. We believed that life was supposed to go the way we wanted it to.
What has that mindset produced for me? Bitterness, resentment, and loneliness.
But, it is good to lament together, celebrate together, and point one another back to the reason we are all here –for God, not ourselves. To love others as Christ loved us.
MY CHOICE
When I look at my life, it’s not the path I would’ve chosen for myself… birth defects, autoimmune disease, hearing loss, cataracts, broken engagement, single in my 30s, professional trauma, broken friendships, family heartbreak and death.
But, I know I would not be who I am today, with the joy, hope, security, and character I have …and I would not have the ministry and career I have today without the path of suffering God has allowed and used to transform me into his likeness and give me more of himself, LIFE himself. And I get him, FOREVER.
Together with Job, I say “though he slay me, I will hope in him”.
So, when it comes to your approach to suffering, which do you choose?
Will you shake your fist at God or will you run into his arms and let him use this suffering to free you from all the things you could try to find satisfaction in that will leave you empty? It’s up to you!
But remember the words of King David, “I have been young, and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken”
Psalm 37:25
Audrey Hardin is a Therapist, Speaker, and Workshop Leader at Hardin Life Resources in Dallas and McKinney, TX.
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