God With Us: How the Incarnation Unlocks the Power of Empathy
Learn how to embrace Christ’s compassion to expand your own.
By Philip K. Hardin, M.A., M. Div., LMFT, LPC
Emmanuel -God with us! Christmas is the time that we become acutely aware of Jesus leaving a position of comfort by the Father and entering our world in the flesh. He came to be with YOU! … with ME! … with US!
He came to give us the experience of being seen, heard, and understood. It is what we ALL desire. We call that empathy.
In the counseling room, it is a game changer.
When empathy is present, individuals and couple’s change! When there is no empathy, then blame, criticism, and hopelessness poisons life and relationships.
Jesus came and died on the cross and rose from the dead. The crucifixion and the resurrection are central to our faith. The reality of His coming became real when a baby was born in a manager. And, as profound as that was, and in all the ways we have heard the Christmas story, we often miss how Jesus came to be “WITH YOU” in all your failures, struggles, addictions, tough circumstances, and challenging relationships.
He gets you! Here the words of Hebrews 4:14-16 – The Message:
“Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
There is so much to the truths in this passage. What I invite you to consider is that Jesus comes to be WITH YOU through his own experience of having felt whatever you have felt! “He’s been through weakness and testing” – that phrase is best interpreted as he understands the human condition. He knows what it’s like to be you.
He sits WITH YOU out of his own struggles, without the sin. He has walked in your shoes.
He is the Master Empathizer! That’s what the title of Emmanuel really means.
He sees you in your darkest moments. And he sends those that can be his voice, his arms, his care to come and sit WITH US to be his voice, his arms, and his care. It is Jesus Incarnate—he came in the flesh to be WITH US! And when we experience His presence through another, it is his initiative to bring experiential care to us.
That is the Christmas message of INCARNATION –an empathic experience WITH JESUS!
INCARNATION & EMPATHY: “That Ain’t Empathy!”
We need empathy. However, consider 3 behaviors that are NOT empathy.
DON’T OFFER ADVICE.
One of the worse things that we can do toward a hurting person is to tell them what to do. It’s like being the answer to no question. That is annoying. Consider the Biblical account of Job. In Job 2, we discover what Job’s friends did when they first heard of Job’s condition. They came to him. When they arrived, they did not recognize him because of his suffering. And for 7 days, they sat with him and said nothing. They empathized with him.
BUT, after 7 days, they starting offering advice and that’s when things got crazy. They failed to see Job.
DON’T RUSH IN TO FIX IT.
Treating someone in pain as a problem to be resolved is dehumanizing. That behavior reduces someone to a project and robs them of their dignity.
DON’T OFFER RELIGIOUS PLATITUDES.
Here’s a list of what is often offered by well-meaning Christians, and it is NOT helpful.
"I know just how you feel."
"He lived a good long life."
"God won't give you more than you can bear."
Maybe God needed to get your attention."
"You really have a lot to be thankful for."
"It could have been worse."
"Look on the bright side."
"You need to move on."
"God has a plan."
"Just have faith."
"Everything happens for a reason" (quoting Rom 8:28).
INCARNATION & EMPATHY: What Empathy Looks Like.
Here are some concrete examples of how we should respond and what empathy is.
“I’m so sorry this has happened to you.”
“Wow, that sucks. How has this impacted you?”
“That sounds really hard. Tell me more about...”
“Tell me what you’re feeling right now. I’m here to listen.”
“That stink.”
“That must feel incredibly lonely. What has it been like for you?”
“You seem really upset about that. I’d like to know what you’re thinking.”
“It sounds like you’re really hurting. Tell me more.”
REMEMBER: LIKE JESUS, YOU CAN WEEP WITH THOSE WHO WEEP.
Responding like this acknowledges the hurt and invites the person to share. As they do, you can continue to convey compassion and do your best to resonate with their experience. As Romans 12:15 instructs:
“Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down.”
The power of the Incarnation is in the reality that Jesus feels your pain. He made the choice to experience it firsthand for you. And He is WITH YOU right now.
When we really get that, we experience the transformative power of Christ himself!
Merry Christmas!
Ride ON!
Phil
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL. Phil’s heart is for men to personally experience God’s redemptive plan through sharing their story with a community committed to whole, authentic living. Check out Men’s Coaching Weekends to learn more.
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