Navigating Differences at the Holiday Dinner Table with Grace
This year, let’s approach the holiday dinner with a mindset of curiosity, understanding, and unity.
By Lauren Holler, ALC, Holistic Nutrition and Wellness Coach
Somehow every year it seems like the holidays arrive faster and faster! Is that just me?
Although, the holiday season is a time for gathering, sharing meals, and connecting with family, sometimes sitting around the table can feel a little less festive than we hoped for, some may even dread the idea. Whether it’s the conspiracy theory uncle, uber-conservative Grandma, or wanderlust cousin who has been living abroad in a tee-pee for the last 2 decades since their Grateful Dead era after college, we all have that one family member that likes to stir the pot, or create drama when holidays roll around. And let’s be real, with an election 2 weeks under our belt, it’s the perfect opportunity for cousin Carl to come in and set a match to the fire. But I’m hoping I can enlighten you and possibly take some anxiety off your plate with these pointers.
This year, let’s approach the holiday dinner with a mindset of curiosity, understanding, and unity.
1. Start with Common Ground
When tensions start to build, a good place to begin is with the universal values we share as humans. We may have different beliefs, but we all want to feel seen, loved, and heard. By focusing on these fundamental shared desires, we can remind ourselves that underneath our differences, we have common ground.
Instead of bringing up topics that might cause division, steer conversations toward what you do have in common. Perhaps you both have a shared interest in travel, or you can find excitement in discussing upcoming holiday plans. By focusing on these shared experiences and perspectives, we create a more peaceful, welcoming environment at the dinner table.
2. Embrace Curiosity Over Judgment
One of the most effective tools in handling tense or uncomfortable conversations is genuine curiosity. It’s natural to feel defensive or judgmental when confronted with opinions we strongly disagree with, but curiosity has the power to transform these interactions.
Ask open-ended questions to learn more about their perspective. You don’t have to agree with them, but by showing genuine interest in their lives, you may discover unexpected points of connection. Ask about their work, their hobbies, or a recent trip they’ve taken. This approach not only keeps conversations light-hearted but also allows others to feel valued and heard. In return, they may be more open to listening to you, creating an environment where both sides feel respected.
I also love this as an opportunity to be salt and light when I know I am among friends or family members that don't see eye to eye. We can meditate on Philippians 2:3-4 as a gentle reminder to think of others more than ourselves. A reminder to be humble and people-centered, rather than self-centered - especially when there are differing views.
3. Focus on Positive Memories
The holiday season is about creating memories, not keeping score on debates or holding grudges. One helpful way to stay centered is to remind yourself that the goal is not to change anyone’s mind but to create a memorable experience. If you sense a conversation drifting into uncomfortable territory, gently steer it back to a positive, shared moment. Talk about a family tradition, a memorable past holiday, or even bring humor into the mix with funny stories from childhood.
Sharing laughter is a powerful way to ease tension and bond. If possible, try to bring up light-hearted or humorous stories that can bridge the gap and make everyone feel a little more relaxed.
4. Have FUN!
A tradition that I learned from some family friends recently, is to have a dessert cook off. You pair everyone up in two’s and each pair makes a dessert. You then have a vote for the winner. The reason I love this is it is a way to bring the teams together
5. Practice Gratitude
Holiday dinners often bring together people we wouldn’t necessarily choose to be around otherwise. Yet, these gatherings can be an opportunity to practice gratitude for the diversity in our lives. We may not always understand each other’s perspectives, but whether you realize it or not, each family member brings something unique to the table.
*Make it a game!
One year, we had gratitude cards that we passed around before Thanksgiving lunch. Each person was asked to write down what they are grateful for or a favorite family memory. Then while we ate, we each drew from the bowl and read aloud everyone’s answers. This was such a fun way to keep conversation positive, share funny memories and create connection among the family.
This holiday season, let’s remember that a little patience, a lot of curiosity, and a commitment to finding common ground can transform our family gatherings into spaces of connection and love. Embrace the table as a place to come together, celebrate each other’s unique stories, and create memories that strengthen bonds over time. By focusing on unity and understanding, we can turn the holiday dinner into a time of shared joy, no matter our differences.
‘Tis the season, friends! I pray yours is one of grace, curiosity and connection!