How Do You Respond When [Your] Life is a Mess?
“L
ife can feel like a mess right now. Economically, politically, vocationally, & relationally.
Adopt this prayer and change your life.”
By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC
By Audrey Hardin, MS LPC
Really, how do you respond when [your] life is a mess?? When it feels like every “room” of your house is covered in chaos?
I have literally been living in a construction zone with dust and debris all around me, banging hammers at 7:00 a.m., and a makeshift kitchen in my garage… while still trying to see clients and find time to recharge. Oh, and let’s not forget that with the nationwide shutdown, there are few places to go to get away.
It is far from ideal but has definitely revealed my internal mess and how resilient... or not so resilient I am at times.
Even if you’re not living in a construction zone, life can definitely feel like a mess right now. Economically, politically, vocationally, relationally… you name it.
In response, some of us choose comfort, some choose control, and some choose to avoid it altogether. We can see these responses prevalent in the reality of the virus.
COMFORT: Binge-watching, scrolling, eating, drinking, online shopping, sleeping…
CONTROL: Looking to control the things we can -immersing and sometimes obsessing over our diet, exercise, behaviors, children, cleaning, projects
AVOIDANCE: Procrastination and dissociation at its finest. If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not there. (We can also avoid through comfort and control but you get the idea…)
For me, I’ve chosen all three -depending on the day! But isn’t there a fourth response we haven’t considered?
We can choose to face it.
To even embrace it. The mess is certainly a challenge but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming, scary, or even exhausting.
What if we saw the mess as an opportunity for our growth?
I love the Alcoholics Anonymous “Serenity Prayer” and find it SO applicable for this moment in time:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
When broken down, the prayer highlights 5 CORE TRUTHS to attack the “overwhelming mess” we will all face in our lives.
1. First and foremost, we see that change and peace are NOT attainable without God.
We are human and incredibly limited, especially in trying times, to find rest and strength to persevere in and of ourselves.
Can I get an AMEN?!
I had a client share with me yesterday that she is truly in the midst of her “Job [Bible character]-season” as she is experiencing extreme physical suffering with no promise of a quick recovery. She recited Job 13:15, “Though he slay me, yet I will hope in Him.” And stated… “if life has been this hard WITH Him, I cannot imagine doing it WITHOUT Him.”
2. Acceptance
There are so many things we have no power over.. like how long the mess will be there, how painful it will be, and how much we will be able to handle.
Peace or “serenity” comes from acceptance, and for me, I can only accept the mess knowing there is someone bigger and stronger than me, who knows me, and is handling it far better than I ever could. And He always provides me the strength to surrender when I ask.
3. Courage
Change requires courage because it is taking a step into the unknown. The reason why so many people settle for suffering is fear. Courage is required to keep on making the needed changes that will lead to a better life.
The mess can invade every dimension of my life -physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
I can live in fear, choosing unnecessary pain or just a mediocre life, or I can choose to self-examine each dimension and set one small, achievable goal in each.
For example,
Physically: Instead of diving into a complicated, and difficult diet, can you stop drinking soda? Can you drink 2 more glasses of water each day? Can you stop eating fast food?
Emotionally: When you feel anxious, can you take 5 deep breaths? Can you take 10 minutes to journal to sort out the feelings? List just three things you are grateful for each day.
Socially: When you feel isolated and overwhelmed, can you reach out to just one friend instead of your entire circle. Can you talk to a neighbor or do a caring behavior for another person?
Spiritually: Can I listen to a podcast-sermon or uplifting music while walking? Can I set aside 5 minutes a day to read a Proverb (There are 31!)?
4. Wisdom
The wisdom to know the difference between what is within our control and is not comes from showing up.
We gain wisdom through participation in our growth, not avoidance or comforting. And it is through wisely choosing where we distribute our energy (on things we can or cannot control) that we experience peace in our relationship with self, others, and the Lord.
5. Community
We cannot face the mess alone. I can’t stress this enough. (And neither can Alcoholics Anonymous)… To see lasting change, to fight against the messy darkness, we need one another!
Although I’ve noticed myself pulling back from reaching out to others in an effort to conserve energy through this pandemic, to go through it in total isolation is to invite an overwhelming internal mess.
We need people. It’s Biblical and it’s essential because we cannot be objective about ourselves. We will have dark days and sleepless nights, but even a small “team” of brothers or sisters can remind us of what is true.
As Christians, we have a personal God who loves us, is in control -of EVERYTHING- and is all powerful in the midst of a very broken messy, and painful world.
Therefore, we have HOPE that growth and change are possible, and even though neither are instant, we are not alone in the process.
I hope starting today,
you will EMBRACE the peace from these truths and experience the love and of a Savior who gave His life so you can have hope -not apart from the mess, but in it!
He TRULY has the whole world in His hands.
Audrey Hardin is a Staff Therapist and Speaker at The Center for Integrative Counseling and Psychology in Dallas, TX.
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