Grief, Grace & Showing Up: Ways to Support a Friend Through Loss
How to offer presence, not perfection, in life’s hardest moments.
By Lauren Holler, ALC, Holistic Nutrition and Wellness Coach
Loss is so hard, and at the same time is such a big part of our humanness. It’s not only the heartbreak of death—loss shows up in daily life in subtle and significant ways. We lose relationships, routines, jobs, health, opportunities, identities, and even versions of ourselves. Whether it’s the end of a friendship, a child leaving home, or a health diagnosis that changes everything—loss is everywhere.
And yet, we often don’t talk about it until it knocks the wind out of someone we love.
As a mental health counselor, I’ve sat with clients through all kinds of grief—some raw and loud, some much more quiet, even invisible. What I’ve learned is this: grief isn’t something to be fixed, it’s something to be honored. And support isn’t about saying the right thing, it’s about showing up.
Everyday Losses Matter
Too often we minimize loss. We say things like “at least you still have…” or “everything happens for a reason.” But loss doesn’t need silver linings—it needs space. Validation and affirmation for the pain, sadness and oftentimes anger they may be feeling. Even the everyday losses deserve to be acknowledged. Here are a few of many:
The stay-at-home mom mourning a former career
The parents whose teen just left for college
The woman navigating her changing body in midlife
The teen who didn’t make the team or got left out by their friends this weekend
The friend who recently went through a Divorce
The new girl that just moved to town and left her hometown
The couple struggling with Infertility or a miscarriage
These moments, although not death, still carry significant weight. If you know someone in any of these spaces, reach out to them. Let them know you are thinking of them. A simple text can mean more than you know.
Your presence is powerful
As friends, family members, and caregivers, we often feel unsure of how to support someone who is grieving. We want to help, but words feel inadequate. Here’s a gentle reminder: your presence matters more than your words. You don’t need to fix it. You just need to show up. Sit with them. Cry with them. Pray for them.
Some pointers on What Not to Say:
“At least…” (minimizing)
“Everything happens for a reason” (invalidating)
“You’ll get through this” (pressuring)
What to Say Instead:
“This sounds really hard. I’m here with you.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“I may not have the right words, but I care deeply and I’m here.”
How to Be Supportive
Support doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be present. Some powerful ways to care for someone grieving:
Simply listen. Let them talk, cry, vent, or say nothing at all.
Offer small, specific help. ("I’m dropping off dinner Thursday—no need to talk, I will leave it on the porch.")
Follow up later. Grief lingers long after the flowers and cards stop. Check in weeks or months later. Keep showing up for them.
Respect their pace. Don’t rush healing. Let them their their story as it unfolds. Some losses take time to even name.
One of the most comforting verses in Scripture is also the shortest: “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35). In that moment, Jesus didn’t bypass sorrow—He entered into it with compassion and presence. This tells us something powerful: grief is not a sign of weakness, but a reflection of love.
A Compassionate Reminder
Loss doesn’t mean we are broken—it means we are human. And in walking alongside those grieving with gentleness and presence, we can help them carry something too heavy to hold alone.
Your support matters. Your listening ear, your check-in text, your quiet presence—it all matters more than you know.
In love and light,
Lauren
Lauren is a therapist and holistic nutrition coach offering individual therapy in person in Fairhope, Alabama or virtually to Alabama residents through Live and Love Wellness. www.LandLWellness.com
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