How to Flourish as a Blended Family During the Holiday Season: 5 Essential Tips
Consider one blended family’s strategy for a thriving holiday season and make yours the best yet!
By Guest Contributor Rachel Dunne, of spiritualstepmom.com
It’s hard to believe it’s already the holiday season again, but ready or not here they come folks! While the changing leaves may ignite feelings of excitement in those anticipating the upcoming months of celebrations and family festivities, there are a lot of blended families out there already girding their loins in preparation for the dreaded falling apart that often comes with the chaos of navigating holiday custody schedules, family traditions, and conflict with Grinch-y ex-spouses.
Here are 5 tips to help your blended family not only survive but thrive this holiday season!
1. Manage your expectations.
When it comes to holidays, I think we all have a natural tendency to imagine that picture perfect Hallmark movie experience, and year after year we continue to set unrealistic expectations, despite the fact that we continue to be let down and disappointed, year after year. This year, we can choose to manage our expectations so that we can avoid the inevitable crash and fall from the bar that was set way too high.
Let’s just be real here folks, there are probably some big surprises coming this holiday season and no they’re not all going to be wrapped in a big glittery box with a shiny bow on top. I’m sorry I do not bring you good tidings of great joy, but I do bring you a big dose of reality.
In a blended family, we must learn to expect the unexpected, and remember that reality consists of both good AND bad- and some awkward stuff in between.
The truth is, the holidays are far from picture perfect for any family, even the traditional nuclear ones with matching pajamas AND last names. So, this year, let’s decide to set the bar a little lower- okay a lot lower, so we can finally stop hurting our own feelings and enjoy our family’s unique holiday experience, even if it makes a good sequel to Christmas Vacation.
2. Be flexible.
If there is one thing that blended families never get used to, it’s the weirdness of not having your whole family together for a special holiday.
Since we cannot change the visitation schedule and the fact that some of our children live in two different homes and families, we must learn to be flexible when it comes to planning holiday festivities and traditions.
Family traditions are especially important in a blended family, so try to find something your whole family can do together every year that does not have to happen on a particular day.
For example, every year you pick out and decorate your family’s Christmas tree on a weekend when everyone will be together. This is something that you and your kids can look forward to every year and will help foster family cohesiveness, and form memories they will cherish for years to come. Maintaining a flexible mindset allows us to see challenges as opportunities and effectively adapt to change, while managing our expectations!
3. Practice gratitude.
You would think that having an entire holiday centered around giving thanks would highlight the importance of gratitude, but if we are being honest, most of don’t even take the time to think or talk about the things we are grateful for on Thanksgiving, let alone every other day of the year. However, there is robust evidence showing that practicing gratitude improves not only our mental and physical health, but the health of our relationships as well.
In fact, a recent study suggested that just one single act of thoughtful gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness, as well as a 35% reduction in depressive symptoms, with the effects lasting 3-6 months. How cool is that?! Makes me want to put on a holiday sweater.
When we practice gratitude, we intentionally look for and acknowledge the goodness in our lives, instead of focusing on the negative parts… which is just way too easy to do in a blended family, if we’re being honest.
Grieve the losses and be Grateful for what you have.
Oh, and did I mention that people who practice gratitude feel more optimistic and positive about their lives? I think it goes without saying that a family gratitude journal needs to be on every blended family’s Christmas list this year!
Write down the things you are grateful for or even say them out loud –it increases our awareness and teaches us to be present in the moment and being truly present with our children is the one of the greatest presents we could give them this holiday season!
4. Step up your self-care.
There is no greater expression of gratitude than self-care.
A necessary part of practicing gratitude is taking care of the minds and bodies that God gave us, something that is especially important during the holidays when mental health issues tend to worsen for most individuals.
Did you know that a recent survey showed that 3 in 5 Americans feel their mental health is negatively impacted by the holiday season? For those of us in blended families, our mental health is even further impacted by the sadness that arises from missing out on special time with our children as well as the added stressors of co-parenting and holiday schedules.
While we can’t change our circumstances, we can step up our self-care routine to make sure our physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs are being properly met.
Practicing self-care from a holistic perspective means ensuring we are getting the nutrients we need by eating healthy instead of binging on seasonal cocktails and taking time to tune into our own thoughts and feelings, as well as doing things that bring us pleasure like taking a candlelit bath or snuggling up in a cozy blanket with our favorite book. It also means making sure we are connecting with others on a consistent basis, whether it be family, friends, or community, and setting aside time to practice the spiritual disciplines of prayer, silence, and solitude in God’s presence, and soaking in truth from His word.
Self-care during the holidays is an absolute MUST for those in a blended family and will help us to become better equipped to handle the inevitable holiday hiccups that threaten our all is calm and bright.
5. Shift your perspective.
Being present with our families is essential for a healthy home, but it is even more essential that we do not become so focused on the here-and-now that we forget about the reality of our forever home.
As Christians, we say we believe in an eternal future with God, yet we continue to hyper focus on the temporary things of this world, working so hard to store up treasures on earth that can never bring true contentment.
The truth is, we live in a fallen world where all good things eventually come to an end. Yet we still have this innate longing for the fullness of joy and peace that comes from a never-ending celebration with the ones we love, which is our heart’s cry for heaven and the proof that we were made for eternity.
To sum it up, this world is not our home, so don’t let your tinsel get too twisted by the imperfections and inconveniences of this life, because one day we will be home and every single day will feel like Christmas morning- and it will be PERFECT. No more sadness. No more conflict. No more custody schedules. Until then, just keep looking up and asking God to shift your perspective from an earthly one to an eternal one –and teach our kids to join us as we do.
Happy Holidays from my family to yours and I genuinely ho ho ho hope this blog post encouraged you!
Guest Contributor, Rachel Dunne is an Associate Licensed Counselor, a Stepfamily Foundation Certified Coach in Alabama and founder of www.spiritualstepmom.com. You can find her on Instagram, sharing her blended family life and life hacks @spiritualstepmom.
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