What to Do When the Physical Suffering Doesn’t End

By Guest Contributor Lisa Donohue, CLC

Everyone loves a victory story overcoming pain and suffering, but few entertain the idea of being the subject. Although it makes for a great read, physical suffering is not for the faint of heart.

Living with prolonged physical suffering is like living in a novel.

Chapter after chapter of waiting, tests, consultations, and treatments… it’s real. It hurts both physically and emotionally and not just for the one experiencing pain, but also those who love and care for them.

Truth be told, I’d prefer pain be experienced as a cartoon strip than a novel. Though beneficial for its purpose, by the 5th square, pain would be a memory and life back to normal. I can’t speak universally regarding pain, but I can share from my years of experience with cancer and from clients who have suffered greatly with chronic pain.

In scripture we read, let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:4)

This was written to those who were being painfully and physically beaten because of their faith, marginalized. Christ suffered. And as we, too, physically suffer we are completing what is lacking in the body of Christ…namely compassion and empathy. The ability to offer compassion comes at a cost, and that is to have lived a shared experience and then to validate the reality.

The reality is that steadfast physical pain and suffering will have its full effect, casting its net over every area of life; physically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually.

Physically:

Frustratingly, we can feel pain, but often can’t see it. Without the physical pain, internal failures/disease/diagnoses may go unseen and therefore untreated. While we often can’t deny it nor make it go away, pain does prove beneficial to help identify where it hurts thus providing a starting place for further investigation.

Socially:

For me and many others, pain wreaks havoc…pulling me out of carpool conversations, a career, luncheons, and planned family gatherings. And while the physical suffering of friends provided a platform to serve, the pain I endured revealed a bit too much of my pride. Ironically, receiving care often proves more challenging than providing care. This is one of the effects, or realities, which feels bad until you realize it’s for your spiritual good.

Emotionally:

Like a personal invitation, pain spreads a large blanket, provides a picnic basket, and extends the time. “No thank you,” I would mostly say, “got things to do, a family to care for, bills to pay, the dog needs to see the vet, the car needs an oil change. Nope, no time for emotions regarding pain today, best to suck it up and push through.”

But pain didn’t just go away without doing a good work.

Unrushed, pain pours a glass of confusion over ice cubes of frustration and asks you to drink. Next it unpacks the only meal being served, inconvenience and impatience. “Hmm, bitter and stale” I think after swallowing a couple bites.

Much to my dismay, there’s more in the emotion basket of physical pain and suffering.

Bite by bite I digest anxiousness, sadness, fear, disgust. And just when I couldn’t possibly eat any more there at the bottom of the basket lies anger, sitting there like a crumb and somehow, I just knew it must be eaten or the meal wouldn’t be complete. How rude of pain and suffering to expose such emotion. In hindsight, experiencing emotion was adding to the full effect of staying steadfast and engaged, not numb.

Spirituality.

It’s been there all along, but never so genuinely savored as during suffering.

For those in Christ, the promise of temporary suffering pacifies pain, at least momentarily. But it also forces us to question the presence of a kind God and loving Father. That’s an honest place to be, and a place that the full effect of pain does its best redemptive work.

How to Help Someone Navigating Physical Suffering:

Though no physical suffering is a picnic, and the story doesn’t always end how we’d hoped, there are ways to enter the physical suffering of others with kindness that reflects the needs of the sufferer.

Listen,

listen, and continue to listen some more. The sufferer doesn’t expect you to have any answers (and in fact knows that you don’t) but will greatly benefit from your attention and the validation of the pain. Internally stuffing pain creates the breeding ground for additional suffering. Therefore, creating the safe space for someone to speak of the pain is an invitation to healing.

Watch your words.

Living in the bible belt, I’ve heard all the go-to verses when unsure how to empathize with pain. “All things work together for good” sounds reasonable, even hopeful, but belittles pain. With suffering, we simply don’t know if it’ll get better; it might even get worse. The sufferer knows this, often leaving the sentiment void of hope.

“Gods got this” does little more than leave the sufferer questioning the character and presence of God, while alleviating the discomfort of the one speaking. While it’s true that God is omnipotent, he isn’t without compassion or purpose.

Instead of sharing, “Praying for you,” pray before you reach out and let the one suffering know how or what you’re praying.

Unless you’re prepared to act with specific care, please restrain thy lips from offering “If I can do anything, please let me know.”

Act when asked.

Helpful is the coordination or providing of meals, home/yard care, carpooling, transportation to appointments, or financial assistance. Fill the gap only you can fill. Taking a meal isn’t everyone’s spiritual gift, thank goodness.

Physical suffering is not only hard on the sufferer but also on those around them. Remember that as Christians, we have the hope that this suffering is “momentary light affliction” in light of eternity, and producing in us eternal treasures that no one can snatch away.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

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Lisa Donohue is author of Soul Rest, speaker, and AACC Certified Life Coach at Stonewashed LLC in Birmingham, Alabama.

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