The 3 Gifts Your Family Needs This Christmas
“Give lasting gifts to your family -this Christmas and beyond.”
By Philip K. Hardin, M.A, M.Div. LMFT, LPC
Christmas is the time of year that we celebrate the birth of Jesus by giving gifts to one another, just as the Three Wise Men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
Family gatherings are marked by the high energy of giving and receiving gifts with family.
This Christmas I am celebrating and grieving the life of my Dad, Lawrence Hardin.
My Dad met Jesus face-to-face on December 1. My Mother met Jesus on November 30, seven years earlier. Mom was born on December 27 and Dad was born on December 28. In birth they were together and in death they were together, back-to-back days. I think you will understand that I am feeling a little melancholy this Christmas as I remember the gift my Dad was to me. He shaped my life in many ways.
The most profound gift Dad ever gave to me was when I was home for Christmas 41 years ago. Prior to, I invited several friends to join me in Tennessee to celebrate Thanksgiving. Mom was excited to have me home and glad to Welcome my friends to her Thanksgiving table. Among those friends was a girl from Texas. She “hit a home run” with Dad and my whole family that Thanksgiving holiday.
When I came home for Christmas, Dad asked me: “Phil, have you ever thought about getting married?” I was stunned at his question. It was very unlike Dad to be so direct. My answer was “Yes”, and his response was: “Do you have anyone in mind?” I was NOT about to “show my cards” on that one, so I played it cool and gave some lame answer to deflect my discomfort. Dad’s response stunned me – “Well, I think that little Texan would make a good choice for a wife.”
Dad had never been so direct to me about anything. That little Texan turned out to be Karla, my wonderful wife of 40 years. I asked Karla to marry me about 5 weeks after Dad spoke into my life. I had already been thinking LOTS about Karla. Dad’s words were profound confirmation of what God was already stirring in my heart. They were a gift, solidifying God’s provision for the greatest life partner I could ever imagine.
The words in our family that are spoken…and sometimes unspoken shape our lives.
The words either create freedom for us to develop into the person God intended us to be or they prohibit us from realizing our full potential. I would like to invite you to assess your family this Christmas season. As you enjoy family time, listen, and observe what you hear and see and use these thoughts to evaluate your family.
THREE GIFTS OF STRONG FAMILIES
Healthy families don’t just happen. Psalms 127:1 - “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” There are four critical elements that form the foundation for healthy families. The Three Gifts are 1) Respect for each family member, 2) Encouragement of one another, and 3) Time to play, have fun, and laugh.
1) The Gift of Respect for Each Family Member
Give the gift of Respect. “I respect your view.” You may disagree with each other, but it is important to communicate respect for the other’s viewpoint. Otherwise, there will be problems—usually in the form of anger or reactivity. A lack of respect creates problems in any relationship. When dealing with children adults need to remind themselves that respect is earned.
I believe most problems with teenagers are due to “validation deprivation.” Teens who are not respected will act out their unmet need to be seen and heard. Nagging, yelling, hitting, talking down, doing things for kids that they can do for themselves, following double standards are all disrespectful. To establish mutual respect, we must be willing to demonstrate respect for our children. A simple model for change is START and STOP – START showing respect and STOP all disrespectful talk.
Healthy Families demonstrate respect by communicating with kindness, dignity, and boundaries.
Question: As you were growing up, how did your family show respect? How do you show respect now?
2) The Gift of Encouragement to One Another
Give the Gift of Encouragement. “I believe in you.” Believe in your family members so they can believe in themselves. Your children will especially benefit from your frequent encouragement.
Proverbs 16:24 – “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
In other words, your kindness and encouragement will get you to a better place than belittling talk. Your family member will run the race well with a heart that is full of affirming words. So instead of focusing on your children’s mistakes, point out what you like and appreciate about them. Specifically describe what behaviors you want repeated, give them a recipe for success! “Catch them doing good, and reward lavishly.”
Question: Did your family use encouragement motivate your or was criticism the driver? How do you encourage one another now?
3) The Gift of Time to Play, Have Fun, and Laugh
Give the gift of FUN! “Let’s have some FUN!”
Creating light-hearted family fun is the final key ingredient to building a healthy, happy relationship. Intentional play will leave a lasting impact in your child’s life when the stresses of life begin to hit. Spend time weekly with each member of your family doing something together that you both enjoy – invest in the relationship! I know you are busy, but your children won’t live with you forever!
Savor the time you have with them NOW! In addition to individual time, I strongly recommend that you schedule family fun each week, this should be a time to laugh, enjoy each other’s company and build memories that will comfort you for years to come. Laughter is fuel for the heart.
Question: As you were growing up, was Fun and Laughter a major part of your family? Is your family now a place of Fun and Laughter?
May you celebrate the Gift of Christmas well. The Gift of Jesus is the greatest gift of all. May we honor him by offering gifts to one another in our families.
*To learn more about Hardin Life Resources and our ministry BPO, Intl.’s opportunities for men, women, and couples click HERE. And subscribe to our weekly email for updates and relevant resources on your growth journey at the bottom of the page.
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.