3 Musts to Become the Man God Created You To Be
“A Halloween invitation to remove the mask, be the lion, and act like a man.”
By Philip K. Hardin, M.A, M.Div. LMFT, LPC, Clinical Member of AAMFT
Halloween is a great time of year to consider why men wear masks (and I’m not talking about Covid).
Men wear masks because they are confused about their identity in who God created them to be. Biblical manhood, being a Godly man, is what I call a Lion.
I have written two books, Lions Were Born to Roar and Be the Lion – both, calling men to be who God designed us to be. Men need to know who they are and what skills they need to live as a Lion. God designed men to have a clear identity—a clear I AM and to have specific skills to live out that identity.
“The integrity of the honest keeps them on track.
The deviousness of crooks brings them to ruin.”
– Proverbs 11:3 The Message
Men often wear a mask because they do not want others to see the broken side of them, their weaknesses, or failures.
We call this mask the False Self.
5 Reasons Men Wear Masks
1. Hunger for Acceptance
Men want to be accepted and will seek acceptance by being what everyone else wants them to be.
2. Fear of Judgment
Men fear and worry about what other people think of them (to be judged) and if they went through life being put down and rejected, that fear will move them to put on a mask.
3. Self-Condemnation
Men don’t like who they are. They are ashamed of their past and live with unresolved secrets.
4. Hide Guilt & Shame
Men hide their real selves because of guilt or shame.
5. Attempt to Forget
Men put on a mask to avoid facing a painful past or current challenging situation. They refuse to remember the past or face the present to heal.
What did God intend Men to be?
THE IDENTITY OF A GODLY MAN: THEIR “I AM” DEFINED IN 3 CHARACTERISTICS:
1. I AM an INITIATOR
God has created a man to INITIATE. Since the Creation Mandate was given to Adam, men have been called to INITIATE.
The Creation Mandate: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth (Genesis 1:27).” Men are directed to take charge—to rule, subdue, and have dominion.”
A Man is not to be passive, but to act, to “run to the fire.”
When it comes to a wife, a Man will engage the dance with a woman. He is THE INITIATOR. He is the one who leaves his father and mother to find and pursue her. He asks her to dance.
I believe passivity and judgment are two forms of defense that a man must overcome to be his True Self—to be the Lion.
He cannot initiate order when he refuses to move toward the problem or if he moves in a critical or blaming way.
Men – a Lion – INITIATE!
2. I AM RESPONSE-ABLE
A Godly man is response-able. He is like a First Responder-fireman, policeman, or ER nurse—he brings order to chaos. He arrives on the scene, quickly assesses the need, and takes charge of the situation.
He is NOT a REACTOR—increasing the chaos and confusion—but is able to restore order to the circumstance or relationship that needs help.
A Godly Man responds to circumstances and relationships that are broken and seeks to offer kindness, wisdom, and structure.
If he reacts, rather than responds, he brings destruction to the need.
Men – a Lion – are RESPONSE-ABLE!
3. I AM a FIGHTER
Jesus was a WARRIOR come to overthrow Satan, Sin, and Death. At the very core of Christ’s identity, he is THE WARRIOR who has come to overthrow sin, fix everything broken by sin, and establish his kingdom of righteousness.
Being a warrior like Jesus means fighting, striving against, struggling to combat sin in our own lives, through his resurrection power.
A Godly man will FIGHT to protect, guide, and care for those he loves.
I Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”
How do Men become the Lion – the Real Man God intended?
How do Men remove the mask and show their True Self?
The most difficult challenge as Man is in living out our faith at home. If we don’t care for our family, then we make a mockery of any testimony of being a “Jesus follower.” We must FIGHT for, not with for those we love the most!
Exodus 15:3 – “The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name.”
Men – a Lion – FIGHT!
Act like a Man – Be the Lion! Godly men need to learn 3 specific skills to live out their calling and identity.
Here are 3 SKILLS needed for a man to live as a Godly Man, a Lion.
1. VULNERABILITY
Men who learn the skill of vulnerability are resilient and flexible. They have learned the courageous exercise of owning their full self, their True Self. They do not live in a state of guilt or remain in paralysis due to shame from their brokenness—failures, fears, or anxieties. They acknowledge the broken and allow themselves to be known.
Vulnerability is the same idea of what the Bible calls repentance, confession, or godly sorrow. It is the practice of humility, overcoming pride, and our narcissism. Men who have learned the practice of vulnerability don’t take themselves too seriously, are teachable, and are respectful of others.
Vulnerability is the key to connection. All healing is relational, and relationship are strong and secure when we are not afraid to be courageous transparent about our brokenness. Vulnerability allows us to be whole because we can embrace our full self.
2. FEEDBACK
“You will never know who you are until you see yourself through the eyes of another.” – Larry Crab. I heard Larry Crab say this many years ago. I now believe it and have experienced it in my own life and the lives of hundreds of other men. Men who receive feedback are truly committed to growth, rather than being “right” or being in “control.”
A man who has learned the skill of feedback will ask for help, be willing to change, and has embraced forgiveness. He knows he has the need to see areas of his life that he is blind to. He does not fear being seen for who he is.
Feedback is the practice of being with safe people who can mirror our True Self to us. It defeats blindness to our gifts or weakness and opens us to the reality of what we need to grow and change. Men who welcome feedback tend to be mature and have a high emotional intelligence, a high EQ. d
3. TEAM
A Godly man has learned the skill of being on a team. He understands the “one another” principles from Scripture. He is teachable and coachable. He makes others around him better. He is willing to address weakness and do the work to make himself a better teammate. He knows how to encourage others and makes others better by his presence.
He knows that being a loner, living in isolation is no life at all. Life is a “team sport.” He values others and has deep, lasting friendships. He is valued and trusted by his friends. He makes himself available to his friends in need. He is slow to speak and strong in support and encouragement. He will fight for his teammates and die for them. He makes everyone on the TEAM better.
To be a Lion, a man designed by God, a man identifies his I AM as an Initiator, Response-able, and a Fighter! And a Man —a Lion, is continually growing in vulnerability, feedback, and being on a TEAM.
Act like a Man! Be the Lion!
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL. Phil’s heart is for men to personally experience God’s redemptive plan through sharing their story with a community committed to whole, authentic living. Check out Men’s Coaching Weekends to learn more.
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