Women: Break These 3 Patterns and Your Family Will Call You Blessed

“Women: What are we doing so wrong, when we attempt to do what’s right?”

By Karla Hardin, MS LPC

By Karla Hardin, MS LPC

On Mother’s Day women are lifted up, respected and loved as both a wife and mother. But then, too often, the remaining 364 days we are blamed, avoided, and resented for what is going wrong in the lives of those we love. 

What are we doing so wrong when we attempt to do what’s right?

I think our answer is found in the first wife and mother – Eve. In Genesis 3 she set the course for us when she not only listened to the serpent and ate of the forbidden fruit, but she then convinced her husband to join her.

I think Eve had FOMO.

She had the fear of missing out.  The thought that there was more enticed her to go against God’s protective rule and ignore all she did have – basically a perfect life, and begin to manipulate (which is another word for control) every person and situation to get it.

At the heart of every woman, I believe is the desire to “have it all” and we unconsciously believe we must “manage” our relationships to insure we get it.

The desire to “not miss out” has led women to develop bad patterns in their relationships with those they love.

 The three common bad patterns I see women fall into when pursuing the “good” things they want for themselves, and their family are:

1.   MICRO-MANAGING.  

The fear of missing out is so great for women that we often can’t let our spouses or children do anything without us “tweaking” what they are doing. We “school” our husbands on how to do everything we value. So, if it is important to us we are constantly examining and correcting until it meets our standards.

Our children can feel us scrutinizing everything they do and say. The “helicopter” mom unconsciously believes she can script a perfect life for her child. She doesn’t realize she is doing the “Eve thing” and by trying to make sure her child doesn’t miss out – she is actually crippling her child’s future confidence.

2.   DISEMPOWER BY DOING

This is one bad pattern that most women have no idea is bad.

Sadly, we don’t understand that serving another can cross the line and become disempowering to the one we think we are helping. Trying to do tasks so to help take stress away from those you love can end up robbing them of developing resilience and good coping skills. 

Also, always having a solution for their problems and plan for solving every relationship crisis can inadvertently cause them to doubt that they have the necessary skills to handle their world.

3.   CRITICIZING INSTEAD OF ASKING

Criticism is women’s backdoor cry for more.

When we hear criticism come out of our mouths, we should first recognize that we want something, and we need to back up and ask directly for what it is we want.

Sometimes, thinking on what we want, will help us check our motives. We may be falling into the “Eve-trap” of wanting it all instead of trusting God to be the One who meets our needs. By getting honest with ourselves first, we can cease all criticism and actually deal with the real issue.

Breaking these bad patterns are hard as they trace back to our core desire and “sin-strategy” to put ourselves first.

I should know as I am guilty of all these bad patterns and must daily be aware of the tendency to go back to my “Eve roots” and pick them up again and again.

So,

how can we break these bad patterns and not always be striving to “get, fix, and control” life and those we love?

I think the key is to see where Eve messed up and do it differently.

Here are some observations that can be helpful takeaways for us!

• Always check what you are being told or thinking against what you know to be true of God and His word.

If Eve would just first have considered what the serpent was insinuating about God – she could have gone to God himself and questioned the idea of God withholding. Scripture so clearly states God does not withhold from those He loves –He lavishes.

TAKEAWAY: Get to know the character of your God so you won’t doubt His motives towards you.

• Get honest about your sin nature and that it is always implying “more is better” as it sees YOU at the center of the Universe – not God.

TAKEAWAY: I need to get conscious about my unconscious tendency to put myself, my needs, and my wants above everything. A daily habit of “soul-searching as David did in the Psalms – inviting God to search his heart, is a great model for us.

• Quit being tempted to believe the best life is found on this earth.

We often are “buying in” to the belief that temporal things and imperfect relationships will fulfill us. I see people every day in my office who have these “best things” and they are totally miserable.

 Eve lost sight of where her true contentment and joy was found when looked beyond God to the things around her to give her more.                 

TAKEAWAY: Start setting your eyes above as Colossians 3 says and set your heart to cherishing and looking forward to God’s eternal promises by daily journaling with an attitude of gratitude for what is to come!

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Romans 12:2 NLT

Breaking bad patterns will not only honor God and empower those you love, but it will free you to find true contentment and end the fear of missing out.

Start calling them out today!

 
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Karla Hardin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Trauma Specialist for Hardin Life Resources

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