What Do Salsa and Therapy Have in Common?
“Mild, Medium, or Hot -How much heat can you handle?”
By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP
By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP
Now I love some chips and salsa—but we all tend to prefer our salsa with varying levels of heat. So, when I’m entertaining, I like to ask my guests, “Do you like your salsa mild, medium or hot?” Because I know with salsa—we won’t eat it if we can’t handle the spice level!
The same goes with therapy.
When I’m with a new client, I need to know how they like their salsa—meaning, how much heat are they willing to handle when it comes to counseling or coaching.
People all have a different reason for setting up an appointment with a therapist. It’s like setting up an appointment with a doctor. You don’t typically go unless you have symptoms or perhaps the yearly physical for precaution.
However, most people treat emotional symptoms like a broken bone that just needs time to heal…
But imagine if you break your leg and choose to avoid going to the doctor for months or years after the break, hoping it would heal on its own. The bone would heal crooked and affect your whole alignment. Your muscles would compensate, and you would have to settle for a new normal of manageable pain and discomfort.
Emotional hurts and losses look a lot like broken bones in the brain. They need more than time to heal; they need to be addressed directly.
To find true healing after months or years of neglect (emotional or physical), you would need to first admit you need the help of a doctor. Next, the doctor would need to re-break the bone and set it into proper alignment; then you would need to allow time to heal.
That’s usually why people avoid therapy… They don’t want to re-break the bone and revisit the pain when they’ve been managing the pain on their own for so long.
And I get it. It’s easy to minimize our emotional pain. Plus, the thought of re-breaking a bone and facing a healing process that has no clear timeline is easy to avoid or procrastinate.
That’s why I ask my clients: How much heat are you willing to handle? Or really, How much healing do you actually want?
So, let’s talk about heat levels.
Just like salsa, you can take your therapy at the mild, medium, or hot level. The heat ranges based on the frequency of sessions, the client’s mindset, and the standard results.
Compare the different heat levels below:
FREQUENCY
*rough estimate
MILD: 1-2x every 3-12 months
MEDIUM: 1-2x every 1-2 months
HOT: 1x every week for 1-2 years
MINDSET
MILD: Someone recommended or strongly suggested you go, but your heart is not in it and you don’t see the benefit or purpose. OR you might just go around the holidays to acquire some quick tips for conflict management or encouragement from your therapist.
MEDIUM: Immediate conflict or sudden loss happened and you don’t like your emotional symptoms, so you think if you seek counseling for a short amount of time you can resolve the problem and feel better. You might read a self-help book in the meantime to help solve the “issue.”
HOT: You’ve experienced enough consequences in your life to realize you continually get stuck in a pattern that you alone cannot solve. With the help of another, you are willing to face your past and dig deep to the roots of your behavior instead of trying to treat the symptoms quickly. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into but you are willing to put in the time and trust the process.
RESULT
MILD: Since they are not seeking real change, they only benefit from a safe outlet to be heard and feel more understood.
MEDIUM: They may get an immediate problem solved with a temporary solution. Also, they walk away with some tips, but no real pattern change. They typically return to therapy within 1-3 years.
HOT: Those who choose the Hot salsa prioritize their time, energy and resources to achieve real, lasting change. As a result, they experience a total pattern change that transforms their relationships, self-image, and confidence. If they return to therapy, it will be to gain more personal growth.
So…
How do you like your salsa?
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel.”
Proverbs 12:15
Abigail Cole Hardin is a Certified Life Coach and a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner for Hardin Life Resources
Click below to SHARE with a friend: