The Difference Between Secure and Insecure People
“
Security goes beyond measuring confidence levels. We must uncover the foundation of who we are
.”
By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP
By Abigail Cole Hardin, CLC; PNLP
When circumstances are ever changing, and stress enters into our hearts and relationships, we begin to notice how powerless we feel—how we are unable to truly control our worlds— which leaves us feeling more insecure.
When I begin feeling insecure, I may take self-help measures to accomplish tasks to help me feel more in control like a closet clean-out, exercise, or learning a skill… yet, deep down, I know that these are not enough to soothe my fears and calm my mind.
We all tend to look for more confidence in our abilities, our control, our circumstances, and ultimately ourselves to be able to handle whatever comes our way.
Yet for a person to be secure, they do not need more confidence in themselves—they need a solid internal foundation.
I believe there are two internal foundations that define if we are secure or insecure. But before I describe the hierarchy of the different internal foundations, let’s picture an example of a secure person and his outward behavior.
A secure person is able to admit that he is flawed, but he doesn’t view his flaws as fatal. He fully accepts the consequences of his actions. Instead of wrestling with condemning “should’s or ought’s” or worrying about how he could mess up again and let another down, he chooses peace of mind. His peace of mind isn’t based on a wavering “self-acceptance,” but peace based on forgiveness and acceptance from a Higher Power.
I am describing a secure Christian.
The Christian mindset is: I am FORGIVEN. Therefore, I am ACCEPTED. Therefore, I have PEACE.
While the “self-healing” and “self-acceptance movement” promotes a peaceful perspective, the only peace that is unshakeable is when it is given from the Highest power— God Himself.
Thus, Christians differ from others by basing peace on fact and not on “perspective.”
Now, we need the following building blocks for a secure internal foundation:
a constant truth where we can rest upon
an active action that we give to others and ourselves,
and a passive action where we are on the receive.
Our security is founded on the constant truth and we build upon the foundation through our active and passive actions.
As Christians, our constant truth is that we are FORGIVEN. Knowing and trusting that we are forgiven, we are able to actively give ACCEPTANCE to self and others, and through our actions, we, by default, receive PEACE.
Passive Action (On Receive) =Peace
Active Action (Give To Self/Others) =Acceptance
Constant Truth (Rest Upon) =Forgiven.
So, when we as Christians don’t have peace, we are not trusting the facts of forgiveness and acceptance; or we’re not allowing these truths to change our minds and our thinking.
That’s why it is so important to preach the Gospel to ourselves every day and to set our minds on the constant truth that we are FORGIVEN. If we forget this or drift from this, we will not be able to give or grant ACCEPTANCE to ourselves nor others, and we will lack PEACE of mind. As a result, we automatically become unstable, unassured and ultimately INSECURE.
So, let’s look at the internal foundation of insecurity:
Instead of the constant truth being FORGIVEN, it is SHAME.
Shame does not allow us to accept any part of ourselves and it isolates us from feedback and growing in relationship. So instead of ACCEPTANCE, the active action is STRIVING and/or AVOIDING. We actively try to combat or avoid our shame. And as a result, we have the passive action and mindset of FEAR.
So, to determine your internal foundation, which constant truth do you set your mind on?
We can always have shame, but we must set our mind on the truth that we have been forgiven. We were loved while we were yet sinners. So still our striving or avoiding will not resolve our shame.
Only FORGIVENESS resolves shame—and not just forgiveness from ourselves or others—but ultimately by the Highest Power—the perfect judge who calls us worthy because He made us worthy with the cost and resurrection of His worthy and righteous Son, Jesus Christ.
That’s why Christians have the most security—we are secure in the truth of Christ’s redemption and the FACT that we have been FORGIVEN. We are able to accept ourselves and others from that forgiveness. And as a result, we have peace.
When we are at PEACE, we can:
receive feedback
look at our wrongs
not defend our behavior
truly confess and apologize to others
not be threatened by making mistakes
and we can own how our mistakes have hurt others.
When we are at PEACE,
we can live freely—not striving or avoiding—but choosing to trust that we can grow and be willing to grow; own our wrongs and know that they don’t define us.
Our identity is not in our mistakes, our failures, our circumstances, our blind-spots, our skeletons-in-the-closet, our defense mechanisms, our behavioral patterns, our avoidance, our performance, our duty… NO.
Our identity has nothing to do with OUR actions.
Our true identity is solely defined by the actions of:
God the Father—sending His Son—Jesus Christ—who defeated death and sent us—the Holy Spirit—who gives us supernatural power to live out our new, yet true, identity.
These heavenly, all powerful and perfect actions are the ONLY actions that define us. These are the actions that we can REST upon because we are FORGIVEN.
We are ONLY secure because of the secure, perfect and righteous actions of the Lord—our Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Thus, our salvation is secure.
Our hope is secure.
Our identity is secure.
It is FINISHED.
So, if you’re feeling insecure,
you are trusting in your own actions and your own power—which is futile, weak, imperfect, and unstable.
No worries! Get back to what is true.
Set your eyes upon the perfecter of your faith—who chose you—not to shame you, but to fully FORGIVE, ACCEPT, and grant PEACE of mind—because He is the only One to defeat shame and give you ultimate SECURITY.
Hebrews 6:19
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
Abigail Cole Hardin is a Certified Life Coach and a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner for Hardin Life Resources
Click below to SHARE with a friend: