How to Make the Most Out of a Season of Loss

By Karla Hardin, MS LPC

The last nine months and counting have been a season of loss for all of us. It has been a loss of life as we knew it. It has been a loss of security for some and a loss of relationship for others. Certainly, a loss of the sense of safety that we once felt like we had, and the continued blanket of unknowns has robbed us of the simple joys of everyday life!

As if loss is not hard enough to deal with, there is another category of it – ongoing loss.

This loss comes in many forms. Raising a downs syndrome or autistic child can be filled with a loss of dreams for that child, a loss of personal freedom, a loss of control and this list can go on. Serious health issues are another category of ongoing loss. Not being able to do what we used to could do is depressing and confining. Even seeing a wayward child make unhealthy decisions day after day is an ongoing loss.

Loss wears us down.

Some of us become so exhausted we just disconnect from ourselves and just do what we have to do and end up feeling more machine-like than human. Others become cynical and shrink away from any good thing or person because they don’t really think it will last and would rather not get their hopes up only to be disappointed. And then there are those who fall in the abyss of bitterness - the combination of anger, sadness and disillusionment which results in an isolated life void of hope.

Honestly, even as a counselor and a committed Christian, I have been tempted lose hope and my “center” when losses have come. It is so easy to switch from seeing the world as “half full” to “half empty”.

So, the challenge for all of us is how can we daily show up and thrive when loss is part of our everyday reality?

I believe we find a helpful perspective for facing our losses in Ecclesiastes 7:2-4.

2 It is better to go to a house of mourning
         Than to go to a house of partying,
         Because death is the end of every man,
         And those living take it to heart.

3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
For when a face is sad a heart may be happy.

4 The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning,
While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.

My summary of this passage after consulting the Hebrew commentaries is this:

V. 2: That looking at loss head-on actually can bring serious reflection on what is really real (like all of us will die). And this realization not only gives us insight but also gives us an opportunity to make mid-course corrections.
V.3: That pain is actually gain in the very core of who we are.
V.4: Wisdom is only found in loss. So, experiencing loss can wean us from the lusts, vanities and foolishness of this world - where most men are ensnared and destroyed.

In summary, loss is actually the “looking glass” that can reframe, redirect and re-purpose our lives.

So, I would like to give you some PRACTICAL TIPS for getting the most out of this season of loss we all find ourselves in:

1. CHOOSE

Choose to see that this season could actually be giving you more than it is taking away. List the possible new perspectives and opportunities there are for growth and change in your life.

2. REASSESS

2. a) Reassess what your ultimate purpose is here on earth. A great way to summarize this is, Ask yourself, “What do I want written on my tombstone that would symbolize how I wanted my life to count?”

For example, “[___] modeled a life of trustworthiness, kindness and generosity to any and everyone he met.”

“[___] inspired others by her unwavering faith and devotion to God as seen daily in her service and sacrifice to help those suffering both at home and throughout the world.”

“[___] fought on the frontlines to bring God’s truth into a culture that despised it by speaking out instead of being politically correct and risking personal pain to do what is honoring to God.”

** Once your mission is clear, list key markers that would be present in your life that would reflect you are making strides to do so.

2. b) Determine and list specific steps to accomplish your mission. i.e.:

I will attend law school so I can move toward shaping culture by ultimately becoming a lawmaker.
I will weekly serve a marginalized population with my time and money.
I will daily strive to speak kindly and respectfully to every person in my life and use self-control when triggered.

3. SEEK WISDOM

Seek wisdom. —True wisdom must start with self-evaluation. Get honest with yourself and notice your selfish ways that are self-preserving and aren’t God-centered at all.

If you are a follower of Christ, you know this sin is holding you back from the life God has for His children. Confess that you have been wanting to do “your way” not His.

By following this model in Ecclesiastes, we not only can face each day of chronic loss and unknown, but we can be actually growing and finding deeper wisdom and connection with God’s purpose than ever before!

So consider this last thought… What may seem as the worst season in your life – might actually be your Best!

Karla Hardin is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Trauma Specialist for Hardin Life Resources

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