3 Strategies to Find Beauty in Brokenness
Denial, despair, and projection all sabotage our restoration story. Consider a different strategy.
By Philip K. Hardin, M.A, M.Div. LMFT, LPC
“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”
-John Eldredge in Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul
Beauty is written in our hearts. God created beauty in the Garden of Eden and it’s where we began and belong. We search for it. We long for it to be restored in us.
Where can we find beauty today?
Beauty is most found in your brokenness…those parts of you that you don’t want anyone to see. Those parts of you that are covered in shame, fear, and narcissism. The parts of you that you wish were not part of your story.
We are all broken, but that is not where the story ends.
Your broken pieces are part of your story that God wants to make into a beautiful mosaic that brings Him glory and heals the shame, fear, and narcissism in you. When God brings your broken pieces together, it results in breathtaking beauty.
KINTSUGI
There’s a Japanese tradition of mending broken pottery with gold that literally translates as ‘golden joinery.’ Kintsugi puts the pieces back together and creates something even more beautiful than before, highlighting the joins and turning them into an even more valuable piece of art.
God doesn’t make junk! He formed you with all the skill and creativity of the Master Creator. And when you fail, He wants to restore you to an even greater beauty than before. You are so exceptionally valuable to God, our Father.
The Gospel According to Kintsugi – YouTube
Everyone is broken. No shame in owning our failures, addictions, or fears. Our broken pieces are like a puzzle that can form a beautiful picture when “put back together.”
God picks up the broken pieces and one by one, puts us back together.
“Still, God, you are our Father.
We’re the clay and you’re our potter:
All of us are what you made us.”
Isaiah 64:8 –The Message
However, to find the beauty in our brokenness, we must stop the denial, despair, or projection and embrace our imperfections and fully own our story.
The sooner we are brave enough to be authentic and honest with our struggles and our story, the sooner God’s Kingdom will break out.
Here’s 3 strategies to finding beauty in your brokenness:
1. Be willing to be weak and vulnerable in order to find strength in God.
Just like a clay jar, we are fragile. Cracks appear under the slightest bit of pressure, and it doesn’t take much to break us.
It’s okay to be weak.
Vulnerability is scary and resisted when we feel wrong or weak. Self-protection drives a wedge in our relationships. Genuine remorse for our failures and flaws makes us strong in God. You are not stronger than you think. God is stronger than you think.
God stands with us and gives us the strength to own our weakness.
“If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at.” – II Corinthians 4:7 – The Message.
The sooner we stop pretending to have it all together and are brave enough to be authentic and honest with our struggles and our story, the sooner God’s kingdom will break out in our families and most intimate relationships.
Isn’t that beautiful? We don’t have to be perfect because God is. And that life-giving power, the great treasure our Saviour has given us, is yours.
Paul says we should show off our weakness and boast in it, because then we get the chance to point beyond ourselves and say, “It’s all because of Him.”
If God’s power is made perfect in my weakness, I have got a whole lot of boasting to do!
2. Own your story –the whole story…good and bad.
Owning your story, flaws, and failures, is one of the greatest things you can do to build the kingdom of God.
Your broken story is a work of art. It is beautiful. It makes you who you are, and you shouldn’t be afraid to show off how God has shaped you and grown you through seasons of struggle. Don’t try to make yourself look good. Allow God to be the author and creator of your beauty.
You are a living work of art that no-one is too broken for Jesus. Allow your identity to point beyond you, to the one who makes all things new.
Next time you hear that nasty inner critic try to magnify your imperfections, refuse to listen, and respond with a humble willingness to own your weakness. Replace the negative, accusatory voice with truth. Look at what Jesus has done. He has promised to take care of me!
Take that, inner critic!
3. Choose wisely how you will be put back together from your brokenness.
Will you make a lousy attempt of trying to repair your own life with self-protection, projection, blame and criticism? Or will you embrace your identity as a handmade, one-of-a-kind masterpiece shaped by the author of creation?
For God to put us back together, we have to get our finger nails out of it, and hand over the broken pieces to Him. Accepting that we can’t fix ourselves isn’t easy, especially in a culture persistently trying to sell us ways to solve our problems and ‘inspire’ us to create our own destiny. It’s time to hand over control.
“God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.”
PSALM 18:20 – The Message
God doesn’t need your help.
He can handle you. All of you.
Can you be brave enough to give Him all the pieces of your life and allow Him to put them back together in the way that He sees fit?
When we allow ourselves to be authentic, we invite healing eye-to-eye relationships instead of insecure relating and masking which prevent the restorative process God wants to do.
Quick Tips to engage your brokenness:
1. Make a list of all your failures and flaws. Offer your brokenness to God to do a kintsugi art in your life.
2. Be Grateful for how God has given His strength to shape your character and equip you through your experience of brokenness.
3. Write a letter to anyone your brokenness has harmed and ask for forgiveness.
4. Talk to a trusted counselor. Sometimes this step is the most important when we feel most afraid for someone to see all of our broken parts, failures, and mistakes.
You are God’s masterpiece. Show it through your brokenness –Kintsugi! That takes courage!
Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL. Phil’s heart is for men to personally experience God’s redemptive plan through sharing their story with a community committed to whole, authentic living. Check out Men’s Coaching Weekends to learn more.
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