How to Develop Character in a World that Seems to Have Lost it

By Philip K. Hardin, MDiv, LMFT, LPC

Culturally, we are in a constant debate as to “What Matters?”

I don’t need to go down the list of “What Matters?” TV, T-shirts, street protesters, and Hollywood types seem to be constantly reminding us as to what they believe matters!

I say, “Character Matters!” Character seems to be a lost ideal. It’s a concept that most people would like to be true of them, and yet the standards for its attainment remain rather vague in today’s culture.

As a counselor, I have great respect and interest in personality. But character and personality are two very different things.

Personality is more about who I am, but character is more about what I do, especially under stress. I like to say, “when the toothpaste tube is squeezed, it’s only what’s on the inside that comes out!”

I believe we have moved from a culture of character to a culture of personality.

We want to be free to be and to do whatever we choose. However, without character, there are no boundaries on our personhood. Character is a boundary that leads us to say, “I will not do that!” or “That is wrong!” or to ask, “Will you forgive me?”

How do we develop character?

Character is the ability to face reality.

Today, life has a lot of realities: pandemic, political challenges, relationship & family issues, addictions, financial challenges, and others. The person of character is able to meet the demands of these realities.

As Psalm 1:3 says: “He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”

The Bible directs us to be people of excellence—people of character. God offers us a template for developing character in Romans 5:3-5.

Through a 4-step process –suffering-endurance-character-hope —character is developed.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

We only achieve excellence when we glorify God, which is our true purpose. So together, let’s seek to practice behavior that fulfills our meaning and purpose.

Consider 3 Foundations for Character Development:

1. We need outside guidance.

It has been said that to continue to do the same thing expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Translated, if we just continue doing what we already are doing in our marriages, relationships, or work, or in overcoming habits, we will be limited to what we have already tried. We will just do the same thing over and over again.

So, to grow in our character, we need help from the outside —a model, a guide, a “true north”.

Be open to what you need to learn. Seek people of character to model your life after. ASK for help through a counselor, friend, or pastor to reveal to you what you cannot see on your own.

2. We need experience to grow character.

We are a collection of our experiences. We all have experiences that have made us reluctant, guarded, or even frozen. Traumatic experiences can cause us to live fearfully, or to self-sabotage, or even to pursue false comfort through addiction.

To grow our character, we must be willing to be vulnerable and challenge ourselves to take risk in life and relationships.

Challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone and engage in deeper relationships and experiences that stretch you beyond what even you think you can handle. Consider 3 ways to stretch yourself today!

3. We need community to grow in character.

God provides all that we need to develop character: His infinite wisdom, strength, support, guidance, and love, and He does so through His Word and His church—community.

Community acts like a mirror to reveal to us what we ourselves cannot see. It also challenges us to consider how our actions impact others…and when we blow it, Christ-like community is there to love, accept, and encourage you on your journey to wholeness.

Proactively seek community, if you don’t have it yet…it will not just come to you. If you do have it, ensure your relationships are transparent enough to sharpen you.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

YES! Character matters.

We need the humility to ask for help, take risk, and draw from the resources God provides to overcome our pride and become the people of character God calls us to be.

Phil Hardin works as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Hardin Life Resources practicing in both Jackson, MS and Fairhope, AL.

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Bridget CrowderOctober 11, 2020